Why I Prefer to Eat at Home, Alone, part 1

one of few times, wish i was in army

it's really an activity that i very much prefer to do alone. i don't understand the social aspect: you're eating. your mouth is occupied. why the hell should i talk? much less entertain as some want me to do? and going on a rendezvous (my fancy name for the queer word "date"): forget it! i don't want her seeing me not know how to eat French (food that is, haha). 


 it's actually one of the very few times that i don't even  enjoy reading: that shows you how much i want to chill out when i eat. 


but believe it or not i love to eat at restuarants (alone): love sitting, relaxing, the possbilit of a good big meal etc. but it realy is a crappy deal: meal mark ups are so big, so many meals i've had i felt that  i could  buy the materials  in the stoer for much cehaper, , work on them  a little and it would  be compaarable. and im no sharp cook.  plus the burden's on you to tip or you look cheap and the waiter earns minimum wage or less, which really isn't your fault but it's dumped  on you. 


also health-wise: who  knows how many calories/fat/salt etc are iny the food. even NYC doesn't require them to publish it on the menus. plus i usually overstuff myself,  and then  need to sh--t where i eat at times (shout, haha). 


again at home: private, your own time, could be much healthier and cheaper, you can do whatever the hell you want, with who you want. 

the "Successful": Mountains out of Molehills

Cream soda kicks ass

 and by successful I'm talking of those who society sees as successful: money, steady career, house, kids, car. all that bullshit. 


now you would think that they have more responsibilities, less time  than those without those deals. at least many of them make themselves out to be more  important than us, "too busy", etc. somewhat understandable when they have say, kids. 


and  i thought I'm the type that would think more about the minutiae of life: e.g. I've written a lot about bathrooms, dying  languages, hype. but the following are some of the subjects that the "successful" have made a pointed  effort to bring up with  me, disagree an usually criticise   me openly and in public, make sure they make it clear how much of a freak i am: (some of these I've written about before i think) 

• how weird i was bringing grape and cream soda to a party
• how their dog/girlfriend/both need to be called by her full Christan name like Jehovah himself. or if i call her by that name, then i need to call her by her nickname that "everyone", or every asshole,  says. 
• they never seem to  understand why i keep the menu during the whole meal (i like to make sure of my order, i  like to see what's in the meal in an upscale place, like to keep my options open for desert etc.)
•  me taking food home. guess they can't understand that  i don't eat too large too often,. so i like to take what i don't have. and i hate to waste--ocd. 
• i don't conform to their bullshit tastes on the fucking  Yankees, the flicks they like etc
• i don't like to sing songs i don't like, like Happy birthday (otherwise no one's as dedicated as me during birthdays, but that's rarely noted). i abstained from that song  long before Curb Your Enthusiasm. 

as usual, the opinions, likes, mainstream tastes, mainstream mores, habits, overshadow those of the solitary, careerless, poor, city dweller. again, fuck you

Conform: Even when YOu're Right, YOu're Wrong

I've unfortunately  found that, when I've hung out with old friends, the more you deviate from their "norm", or "normalcy" the more wrong you are, about pretty much everything. and not even the more "unique" shit that i do which i admit. e.g. when i would read end credits in films, enjoy fall foliage, astronomy, all activities I've done for years, was ridiculed for, the same people that would criticise me would do the same and enjoy it, and NEVER give me credit. hopefully after all these big birthdays are over (ones that end in 0s) i can leave them forever.

one time i went of one of their little get togethers. they told me i didn't have to bring anything. so i got a little creative (blasphemy!) and brought grape and creme soda. later on they almost had an intervention telling me how wrong i was. led by, surprise, the biggest fool of them all.

a friend of mine brought his little woman along to another party,same place. he told me, more than once, her name. somehow everyone else knew she went by some nickname. i called her by her name. i was wrong. everybody laughed. i was right, but was completely wrong.

also, most of us go by shortened names: Jonathan--Jon, Christine--Chris, Sally--Sal. but i have to call my friend's fiance now by her FULL GIVEN NAME. like she's Jehovah (of course, my friend, her and her family think that they all are any way, like most couples that get a house, married, kids etc).  even though she doesn't seem bothered by the short one, like everyone in the world. and im in the wedding party--looking forward to that. 

we're not kids by the way we're grown men. making enormous mountains out of molehills. leave me the fuck alone. why does this bullshit happen? familiarity breeds that much contempt?

the Appetizer: What Chicks Really Want

chick laugh

o.k, time to tell you all how it really is. not what chicks say   in some idiotic women's, men's, celeb mag. not what your female friends say.  notice i said "say", not do. this is about how chicks actually behave. the following is  what not many have the courage to say. and no one, NO ONE  knows the following experiences better than me.

actually it is true, some of them,  at some times in their lives,   will often go with funny guys, like they all say. a Freudian id, instinctual. but as i said, this is just the appetizer: there's a more complete, uncut film,  a whole deal,  as  would be  experienced in   a several course  meal.

with an appetizer, first course, like when the chick's young and budding, the id is  strong and she'll often  go with Mr giggles. personally,  I've made a LOT of women laugh a lot in my life, so   yes many a chick i grew up with did take  a taste from the KRock pot (had to say it, but true, and no i didn't smoke weed).. fun times. times change....

Suddenly Every Summer

it always has seemed like I've given myself a good deal of pressure in the summer. when we were kids, the pressure  during the school  year was  with homework, extra curriculars etc. i think my summer pressure was more personal. 

• what's everyone doing the summer? are people doing better stuff than me? the "cooler" kids? chicks? Jews  in  their camps? (boy i just realized how historically offensive that sounds-- but supposedly they had kick ass summer camps in NY). 
• i have all this free time. shouldn't i be using it better? projects? gardening? sports? getting ahead (i didn't think that  ambitiously as a kid, but i did think that my time wasn't being used right)
• aren't there all kinds of places to go to? beaches? (i grew up thinking i hated the beach because many of the ones around NY are crappy.), vacation spots? NYC? 
• my parents are working in the summer. shouldn't i be helping out more? 
• shouldn't i be catching up on more? reading, music, writing? (keep in mind i had  ocd from childhood). 

i guess it's one of those responsibility deals: you have time, supposed opportunities, youth etc and you shouldn't waste, you shoud take advantage. 

More Unique Irish/ Dunmore Expressions

 we just had a visit from my mother's sister. as I've mentioned it's the only time that my mother has really laughs as far as i know, since their cousin died especially.  as i expected, a lot of old stories, sayings etc came out so i wrote down many. some examples: 

• stump jumper: hick, one who lives '"up the line" (other side of the tracks). interestingly, my grandfather worked for decades in the coal mines, and called my father a stump jumper, although he was the son of a dentist. 
• "20 miles of bad road": some one with a bad complexion, with pimples, pock marks  etc.
• "going  to New York": getting  pregnant. one of the challenges of these sayings is finding out where the hell they came from, their derivation. guess that's a further project
• "fell off the roof"; getting your period (women obviously). 
• "map of Ireland written all over his face": very Irish looking. 
• do your "job": to crap.  when i was young, my mother used to ask if  i had a job to do. so when i got older and heard people desperate for jobs, wanting jobs, looking for jobs etc i thought it was hilarious. . i thought a job was a piece of shit, literally

as was said before, as you can see some of the above  seem to be Irish in flavor, some more local/folk i suppose. again really want them to be captured before they're gone--no one seem to use them anywhere. 

WOman of the HOuse

have a woman run a house that she probably hasn't paid for and she'll think she's Zeus himself