the Spirit of a Wedding

i think i see the sign

o.k i'll admit im getting into it. still believe it's  overpriced, overrated, leads to marriage etc, but may as well enjoy it since i'm obligated, and it's for a loved one: 

• listening to a lot of love songs (hey how many great love songs are there, right?)
• looking fine in the tux (wink) 
• going to Asbury park
• looking forward to drugs i like: champagne, open bar, hash brownies? 
• eating a lot of good food
• some friends
• near full moon 
• effort to a loved one 
• my kick ass dance moves (wink wink)
• spring 
• love 

My Name Preferences

why is it that when someone has a name with more than 2 syllables, i have to shorten it to 1? and then  some uptight folks  get upset with it:  "it's not Geen, it's Gina!" yikes 


then when someone is commonly referred to in a single syllable name, i have to lengthen it? Gabe --Gabriel, Chris--Chris ol Boy etc


i hate when celebrities have 3 names that we're supposed to say, many times  all first names: Sarah Jessica Parker, Seans Wiliams Scotts, Neil Patrick Harris. 


yet we all know a lot of women who've been married and now go by 3 names, and I kind of like what those have become. my personal favorite (I won't say her name specifically) sounds like Danielle Greeko Apollo. 

Disappearing Act

i've said for a while that a man alone at a bar is maybe as  close to a human gets to  being invisible.

•  seemingly no friends, 
• people see him as a lonesome loser 
• women want to follow, go with the trends, go with a "proven winner", so they avoid him 
• groups will literally push him around., out of his seat etc
• less talking, more drinking, more likely to move to a problem drinker? 

 the only ones who care are  the ones who wants his money: the bartenders/waiters. and this is compounded more at a strip joint. lots of men alone there. 


but,  the older one gets, , the more one disappears? 

•  not as many will hire, entry level etc? 
• less attractive,  less relationships? 
• hence less likely to have kids.
•  less people care: friends and family have moved on with their individual families, parents are getting older and can't care  as much.
•  mid life crises are not as appealing as coming of age stories? 

Dead Wood

me and my friends  used to have a saying at parties, which i think i got partially from my brother and his friends: the dead wood floats down the river fastest. in other words let the phonies, pretenders etc leave first, those that matter often stay with you, spend the real time etc.


 this can be applied to a lot of friends, relationships etc. 

Some New Years' Pasts Shenanigans

"shud auld ...be forgot?"

in 10th grade, bringing booze to a pot luck girls party and being kicked out by the parents


hooking up with this big girl (kick ass) and fooling around on the floor where everyone walked in from NYC (and the dirty early 90s), with a curtain for a blanket


making an invitation saying "Open party!" several times,  at  the NY Hilton and getting kicked out  right near midnight


a friend of ours who went into the military later getting drunk out of his mind and passing out around 10


another friend getting so drunk at his own house, in our early evening "cocktail party" (my idea), then  going into the city and threatening several people  again in the rough and tough early 90s of NYC


another friend spotting a Woody Allen look alike down in the 50s and Broadway, and pouring champagne on him after midnight 


these are just a sampling, more where that came from 

Those that are Most Drawn to Me

the edge of...

 animals, kids, married women


animals and kids (what's the difference/ say the parents haha) actually aren't difference in a lot of ways about what they like.   their judgement is  very simple, yet i think appropriate: if you treat them well, with fun, care, they're drawn to you. treat an animal well with attention, treat a kid well with the same and  fun, they're drawn to you. they're not clouded by your status, income, socio economic level, differences between one another. those criteria are reserved for single women, fair weather friends, some family, assholes. 


now married women have different reasons, which i may have written about before. you see, their main priority when they're single  is taken care of, and no it's  some one to make them laugh or any of that other bullshit. their security is taken care of. their bills are paid. money is there. why do you think that just an engagement (entrance fee) costs 2 months pay  for a small (relatively) , almost invisible, non rare rock?  kids, car house, whatever, pretty much taken care of. that's taken care of.


 so when they're in wed LOCK, TIL DEATH,  that's when those  "likes" come out   that they all throw t around when they're single: , that they like funny guys, artistic guys, smart, whatever, that's when it comes true. 


so with me, the money, security etc isn't there. hence single women won't go near me, and im alone. but  the married women literally appear out of now where to me because their  money's taken care of, and I'm the man they used to talk of: funny, smart, etc. 


that's the way it is, that's the way i've experienced it REPEATEDLY: no one knows it better than me. no one. 

The Untouchable Whose Name We Dare Not Utter

you have to wonder how little you're worth when the latest round of snub snobbery comes when  folks that  you know won't even introduce you to others out of politeness. 

popular exhibit uptown

today  i taped some fucking cabaret show for a girl who appeared in some films for me (porn, just kidding),  since i felt i owed her. in the end, no "thank you" announcement  (even the bartender got one), and no intro to any of her family, who she told me about at length. but  a blow off "we'll catch up  later". 

last night: a friend of a "friend" talked to me for a while with her boyfriend (they met thru E harmony--yes, she would rather date strangers on- line than even try it with me). had a nice little conversation. not even an attempt at introduction.

another friend of the same "friend" i recognized, talked to him, remembered so much about him that he couldn't believe it. again, not even an attempt to introduce me to his snobby looking bitch girl friend (for the record, my gaydar always goes  off with this guy, yet my "friend" says he fucks everyone. fucked me last night a bit didn't he). 

i shouldn't even mention that my "friend' didn't even attempt to include me with her "real friends".  probably all from MTV (like my 'friend'), chuckling about how America smokes up the brain tobacco they shit out on the TV. this is the same 'friend' that used to introduce me around, then consistently  put me down me later  (the fem friend cock block bitch  black hole, when you try to get with friends of  a 'friend' that thinks shit of you: maybe the worst block). we used to be at least "friends' on Facebook. now they don't even respond. like a preemptive  Israeli  strike .

nor did she when i asked her some TV advice. yet at  my big birthday recently (a number  with a 0 at the end), she shoved her fucking  vacation pics in my face, and  said to another  "friend" of mine that she would yenta  him up with a friend of hers (this  "friend' of mine 's mother died recently, the fem friend didn't even know about  it. real close eh? ). she also  bragged to my face about herself that she is  one of the most "successful" people in her class. 

did  i mention before that of all the shit that sucks when you're "poor", your "friends" being assholes is maybe the worst of it? 


when you want to get out, circulate, socialize, and the Job's comfort that they give is but torture (i mean "enhanced socializing"). 

Breed Alone: Unemployment

bread, alone

 The good old by-products of being jobless: 

• every chick will ask you "so what do you do?" not that they're screening for "no buck no fuck" or anything like that. no bread and alone? breed alone
• prick "friends" that sit in judgement of you, asking/criticising if you're doing enough. Their opinion: it's your fault. funny, they probably see us as trash. But i think of Huck Finn, where the "nigger" Jim, low man  of society, calls the white guy  "trash" for treating his friend poorly
• sociopaths: scam artists on e.g. Craigslist, pressuring the unemployed to pay thousands to them, wire them money etc 
• sleeping in  the trash pile some more. less money, more need  for assistance, unemployment,   etc. And again suffering the guilt from your "friends" and family for milking the system, when unemployment isn't tax payer money, but insurance fees paid by businesses. 
• every one's winning, you're losing 
• right wing assholes (redundant?) like that Lieutenant  governor of S Carolina (surprise)  who says not to give anything to the poor since they will breed (again: bred alone).  and Bill  O'Reilly's hyper snobbery which  commented against folks stranded on roofs after Katrina like they were in a human zoo
• Left wing assholes like Tom Leykus:   "you're paid what you're worth"

Excuse me: Away at Martha's Vinyard

apologies for not writing more but as mentioned i took a little trip to the Vineyard. will be writing bigger and better soon. was a good time though, if u've never been there: some good beaches, chicks, seafood, nature and scenery. traveled good too: 2 old good friends, when we get together we don't fight as much, lots in common, culture, humor. u wud think 3's a crowd, 2 would turn on the one but no. anyway more later as i said. thanks for reading still. have to admit being away from the computer a little was nice.

Martha's Vineyard weekend

Martha's Vineyard lighthouse

yeah i have the opportunity to go,  a friend of mine is into it. 


but  remember biggest meteor shower of year is peaking late Thurs nite to Fri a.m. check weather forecast, not much of a moon. will also be good other days: http://earthsky.org/tonight/wheres-the-radiant-point-for-the-perseids. 


so i'll try to write postings and schedule them for a couple of days. and i should be able to predict the future with pin point accuracy haha. haven't done the scheduling deal yet so hopefully it goes.. 


also watch out for Fri 13. 


i'll be with 2 of my old friends. male. off the coast of Cape cod. camping. sharing tents?  beach. looking at the stars. sun downs.  for days. totally heterosexual bromance! 

Kill the Cliche: "I Need to Win the Lottery"

 i can go into the "love of money is the root of all evil" deal. but  if you've done  any kind of minimal, hearsay type research about lottery winners, quick money earners etc you would find:

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• a great many of them got their money and were miserable not long after. their friends left them, they were very unhappy. people will be  jealous of you and act it out. more folks gun it.  
• the term 'power corrupts' should be applied to their lives: money corrupts, as in  your life. mo money mo problems. leeches, drugs, , vices, extravagant lifestyles are built up especially if you're "novae riche". it can get out of hand and out of control  quick. it's happened so many times before. 
• if you have all that money then you have reason to never be employed. unemployment, retirement, kills.  life insurers  used to do (maybe still do) calculations on how long your life expectancy is. if you're retired, they literally  subtract  years off. ever hear of occupational therapy? 

so please end the  cliche, the bullshit dream, that  everyone says.  don't be an idiot and just  see the surface glam,  and not do the research on what happens after the "happily ever after". 

Remembering the Passing of a Former Friend

who died on this day, not long before I left L.A.. she lived next to me  for a couple of years. nice, smart, good sense of humor, not very old. but unfortunately unhealthy, overweight, seemingly isolated. didn't get exercise, drove everywhere, may have smoked, didn't clean much.

in truth i really didn't know much about her. i thought i overheard her once, talking to some one on the phone, saying that she wasn't happy, didn't know what to do. of course hotlines (if that's what it was) are often a desperate resort. this is one of those times you look back: you wish you could have done more.

and that includes her end: she fell sick, was even more immobile. i think a friend was coming over to help. i remember one time though that she didn't seem to have water on a very hot summer L.A. day so i got her some. then  i went to the desert, to my job, soon after. i came back and she was deceased. i wondered what happened, if she gave up, didn't take care etc.

as usual i try to learn from passings of others. and wish there was more, to do, for her etc. hope for better in future.

Conform: Even when YOu're Right, YOu're Wrong

I've unfortunately  found that, when I've hung out with old friends, the more you deviate from their "norm", or "normalcy" the more wrong you are, about pretty much everything. and not even the more "unique" shit that i do which i admit. e.g. when i would read end credits in films, enjoy fall foliage, astronomy, all activities I've done for years, was ridiculed for, the same people that would criticise me would do the same and enjoy it, and NEVER give me credit. hopefully after all these big birthdays are over (ones that end in 0s) i can leave them forever.

one time i went of one of their little get togethers. they told me i didn't have to bring anything. so i got a little creative (blasphemy!) and brought grape and creme soda. later on they almost had an intervention telling me how wrong i was. led by, surprise, the biggest fool of them all.

a friend of mine brought his little woman along to another party,same place. he told me, more than once, her name. somehow everyone else knew she went by some nickname. i called her by her name. i was wrong. everybody laughed. i was right, but was completely wrong.

also, most of us go by shortened names: Jonathan--Jon, Christine--Chris, Sally--Sal. but i have to call my friend's fiance now by her FULL GIVEN NAME. like she's Jehovah (of course, my friend, her and her family think that they all are any way, like most couples that get a house, married, kids etc).  even though she doesn't seem bothered by the short one, like everyone in the world. and im in the wedding party--looking forward to that. 

we're not kids by the way we're grown men. making enormous mountains out of molehills. leave me the fuck alone. why does this bullshit happen? familiarity breeds that much contempt?

Fair Weather Fans~Ugly American Fans

I've noticed that they're many times the same people. examples:

• an old "friend" of mine who liked the Cowboys, Islanders, Lakers when they were good, dumped them all when they were bad. favorite baseball team, surprise, the Yankees. said the Olympics didn't mean much, put down soccer all the time
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• another someone close to me at times, a gym teacher and coach no less, who rips everyone else for being fake fans, yet his favorite golfers are Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods, favorite baseball team the Yankees, dumped the Cowboys, Rangers, Knicks, Giants when they were bad. also thinks soccer is a non sport
• the American fans that put down soccer fans for their hooliganism, rioting etc. guess they see the bad in other nations and only the good in ours (right wing methodology?): see the riots after the Chicago Bull victories, Laker victories, Michigan State sports, to name just a few

by the way, the American fans that put down soccer, do they realize that baseball is the "national pastime"? a game where you barely run, you rarely jump, not really a contact sport, scoring is often low, most of the action is between 2 grown men having a catch?

for the record, i actually enjoy all the above mentioned sports, honest

Your Real Values

why is it that someone, who is devout and practicing, has relatively high morals, environmentally conscious, thoughtfull, sensitive, spiritual, respectful, healthy, , creative, smart, funny, loyal, loving

can be seen as a loser, unworthy, second (or lower) class, pathetic, not worthy of respect, not worthy of love

by society, relationships, employers, the governmentt, even many of his loved ones?

and do you see that it is a society that does not really respect the attributes of the above first paragraph, when those listed don't go along with success as in fame, security, fortune, power

and it directly or indirectly keeps him down and out in the second paragraph in perpetuity

New Boy/girlfriend=Touring Beauty Contest

that's pretty much the way it is. you get a new girlfriend/ beau (i love calling them that, sounds like im some antebellum belle), and s/he is taken on tour to meet those close to you: the parents, family, friends, relatives, work friends etc.

they compete, knowingly or not, in a bit of a contest, but like a show on the road that's being seen by local reviewers. and like a beauty contest there are categories: beauty, poise, talent (for conversation etc), congeniality, how they answer questions about world peace whatever.

and from there the judges score it, either with individual judgements or usually conferring: what did you think of him? do we like him? do we hear wedding bells (i.e do we have a winner?)

and the differences of judges are like in the Olympics: their level of criticism ranges from the easy judge (the male friend who never gets laid so therefore welcomes ANY woman to be remotely close to him) to the stringent (the mother who thinks that no one is good enough for her child).

Suburban TRamp part 1

no, im one of the few NOT going on about Tiger woods haha.

but it used to be that i would live in the city (NYC AND L.A.) and travel to do shows in the suburbs. AND GEt paid.

it's pretty similar still except that i travel to friends in the suburbs and i feel i still do a show. but more like a side show or human zoo.

what happens is that i need to go to their houses etc for birthdays etc. i don't have a car in NYC (appropriately) so i often need to ride the rails or take the bus.

i get there and because im such the "starving artist', and because i don't have a "good wife to feed me", because i usually eat healthy and don't have catered food much, and because i have a massive appetite and my ocd doesn't like me to let food go to waste, i eat a great deal of food there.

also because it's probably the final sense that i can count on: hearing: the conversation is worse and worse (subjects more often now: babies, teachers complaining about their jobs, real estate. fun stuff). sight: kid pics, vacation pics, SOFTBALL TEAM HOME FLICKS (yes this really happened once). and there are less and less available attractive women all the time which brings us to: touch (lack of).

They Think Their Crap is Pumpkin Pie

now i'm sure most of us have had friends, relatives etc who'v had goddamn babies and that's all they talk about, that's every picture they take, their Facebook photo isn't them it's their friggin kids. and believe it or not im not being cynical here: after a while most of these kids started to look very much the same to me in pics, no bs. but of course we have to say "she looks like you". "he looks like your jerk off husband'" etc.

now the title above, it';s pretty much true for parents. and im including parents of pets, especially ones that don't have human kids yet. they'll talk about their kids' shit at meals, casual conversation, stories, explanatories. they'll sniff the kids' crotch to see if they crapped, right next to where the meal is served. the most disgusting material in the everyday world is shit and that's what we fucking talk about!!???

and further: maybe worse than parents of humans is actually the married who can't or haven't had a kid yet but have a goddamn pet. i've heard these champs talk about getting their friggin dog into modeling, or they can't go out with their friends because they can't leave the dog alone, the pooch (I knew one dog for whom i couldn't call it that word(!)) is on every holiday pic with some idiotic antlers on or something.

by the way i got news for ya: every goddamn baby ever doesn't do shit. actually that's almost all the thing does: shit, eat, sleep, burp, cry, get to 2nd base. sounds like me in college haha. .

Mobile Phones: Are you an Answerer or a Screener

i know people who will answer their phone even if they're in the eye of a fucking tornado. they probably very well know that there's no way they'll hear you or that you'll hear them. but THEY HAVE TO ANSWER THE PHONE.

THESE are the same people that, when you're with them, even if you're a loved one/close friend etc, will again answer the phone NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER WHO is one the other line. it could be their ex wife, mother in law, or as we've received many times, 'Unknown'. so in other words, the person on the other line could be a prank call, wrong number, telemarketer etc, AND THEY TAKE PRIORITY OVER YOU, A LOVED ONE!!! YOUR 'FRIEND' WILL AUTOMATICALLY INTERRUPT YOU TO ANSWER A TELEMARKETER!!

and on top of all this, EVERY FUCK IN THE WORLD NOW HAS AT LEAST CALLER I.D AND/OR VOICE MAIL PROBABLY BOTH!!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT GENIUS!!! LET IT DO IT'S JOB! !

i think the same CHAMPS are the ones that complain to me that i never pick up my phone. im a big screener. so a few words: short answer: what's the big fucking deal leave a message. long answer: because i don't want to be one of those rude assholes that interrupt people to answer their fucking phone. also, you ever think i may be busy with someone/something else? in the shower? not in the mood?

and usually it's the same people that say that i call "at the worst times".' is that what your fucking phone tells you??!! i mean you pay more attention to it than me so it must know best!! (i know i sound like a neurotic wife, redundant just kidding). when it's a bad time for me i put it on vibrate, let the fucking voice mail pick up. is that so hard? we have gps on our phones but you can't use voice mail!!!????

I Shouldn't have to say or ask but: you're not the most important person in the world. leave a fucking message i always get back. and i'm not the most important person in the world either, but it's fucking rude of you to interrupt our conversation.

also: why is it that the people who have the loudest mobile phone rings are the ones that are least likely to know how to silence the fucking thing?

In Memory of...

don't mean to sound obsessive about good old/bad old death, although it kind of runs in my family (my mother loves obituaries, graveyards--i agree with that one. though we always gave it all a bit of levity too--where they're from, Scranton penn, the funeral home was the "corpse house', and you admitted to having a "good time" at a wake, seeing old friends etc. yes you can throw in some Irish jokes here if u want.

anyway we all know that i do a lot of blah blah writing and all, so i hope i put it to good use when a loved one dies, i do like to write a eulogy. remembering good times we had, good parts to that person, achievements, etc. think it's fitting to really remember them, the good, get it written and give it to those closer to the person as a good remembrance. a token of appreciation of the person.

it also serves the future. as i've mentioned im loyal to loved ones' birthdays, and also death days, the day that one passed on. on that day or near it, i think it again fitting to remember them as mentioned above, and the eulogy is a good program to go by. a good memory, a good time to give reverence, respect etc. i don't think that going to a graveyard is important (except for fun haha), i think more that the time, efforts, memories, thoughtfulness to the person is the real importance.