the Spirit of a Wedding

i think i see the sign

o.k i'll admit im getting into it. still believe it's  overpriced, overrated, leads to marriage etc, but may as well enjoy it since i'm obligated, and it's for a loved one: 

• listening to a lot of love songs (hey how many great love songs are there, right?)
• looking fine in the tux (wink) 
• going to Asbury park
• looking forward to drugs i like: champagne, open bar, hash brownies? 
• eating a lot of good food
• some friends
• near full moon 
• effort to a loved one 
• my kick ass dance moves (wink wink)
• spring 
• love 

Disappearing Act

i've said for a while that a man alone at a bar is maybe as  close to a human gets to  being invisible.

•  seemingly no friends, 
• people see him as a lonesome loser 
• women want to follow, go with the trends, go with a "proven winner", so they avoid him 
• groups will literally push him around., out of his seat etc
• less talking, more drinking, more likely to move to a problem drinker? 

 the only ones who care are  the ones who wants his money: the bartenders/waiters. and this is compounded more at a strip joint. lots of men alone there. 


but,  the older one gets, , the more one disappears? 

•  not as many will hire, entry level etc? 
• less attractive,  less relationships? 
• hence less likely to have kids.
•  less people care: friends and family have moved on with their individual families, parents are getting older and can't care  as much.
•  mid life crises are not as appealing as coming of age stories? 

Why I Thought/THink that NY Sucks in Summer

they still do this near me

• in our house with 2 parents and 4 kids, there was only a cheap a.c. unit in the TV room. we mainly slept upstairs (where the heat rose), barely had fans for some reasons. we had  one big attic fan which blew hot attic air,  thru i think a 4 by 4 vent, which was supposed to cool us off. god that hot air up there never moved, i wonder how we slept at all. hate to complain about the people that gave me so much, but that was one of those instances where we were supposed to tough it out. like sickness, injury, bad jobs etc. 
• i grew up thinking that all  beaches suck because of the ones in NY and NJ. still think they're pretty weak. at least back then,  places like Jones beach: not the cleanest water, get burned (sunblock not as common?), get sand everywhere.  is a place so great, when you have to shower afterwards? like sex with my ex wife yuk yuk. 
• school went til late June and there always seemed to be a heat wave attacking us at some point, and of course there was no a.c., little circulation in those huge brick buildings. 
•  i did a good deal of theatre pretty young. since i was in school,  i did it  much in the summer. again it seemed like a heat wave would often strike right at opening nite: in often big heavy costumes, big heavy makeup, wigs, hot lights, halls without a.c., little circulation
• again my fervent environmentalism kept me from even using a fan in the hottest month in NYC records, July 1999: http://thekrock.blogspot.com/2010/07/to-past-darkly-summer-1999.html
• i really want to know  why, if there's no sunlight at all  down below, every  subway tunnel feels like you're in a level of  hell? every other subterranean  level in the world is cool. 

keep in mind I've lived in the Mojave desert, L.A., FLorida and Texas in Summers, and i still think that NY summers are some of the hottest i've experienced. 

Walking the Cat continued

this week im house and pet sitting and this time have 2 dogs and 2 cats under my care. and again, doesn't matter if  we have multiple dogs with us, even ones that like to chase cats: they still follow our family. 

same black cat of my sister's, following her or me,  with her big black dog and her friend's dog that likes to chase cats.  doesn't seem to matter much: he loves to come along even when threatened a bit, often walks right with us, is there often at the beginning  when we call. no leash.  gallops, trots, sniffs, checks out folks' yards. whatever road we want to take. also doesn't matter if i have friends along that are total strangers. 

 i read that cats can have a pretty big radius outside of their home to roam, but still haven't read about folks walking their cats, much less 3 generations of it. 

have to get it on tape one of these days.

More Unique Irish/ Dunmore Expressions

 we just had a visit from my mother's sister. as I've mentioned it's the only time that my mother has really laughs as far as i know, since their cousin died especially.  as i expected, a lot of old stories, sayings etc came out so i wrote down many. some examples: 

• stump jumper: hick, one who lives '"up the line" (other side of the tracks). interestingly, my grandfather worked for decades in the coal mines, and called my father a stump jumper, although he was the son of a dentist. 
• "20 miles of bad road": some one with a bad complexion, with pimples, pock marks  etc.
• "going  to New York": getting  pregnant. one of the challenges of these sayings is finding out where the hell they came from, their derivation. guess that's a further project
• "fell off the roof"; getting your period (women obviously). 
• "map of Ireland written all over his face": very Irish looking. 
• do your "job": to crap.  when i was young, my mother used to ask if  i had a job to do. so when i got older and heard people desperate for jobs, wanting jobs, looking for jobs etc i thought it was hilarious. . i thought a job was a piece of shit, literally

as was said before, as you can see some of the above  seem to be Irish in flavor, some more local/folk i suppose. again really want them to be captured before they're gone--no one seem to use them anywhere. 

Irish Parents Beyond Good and Evil? part 2

so i mentioned some of the enjoyments of my parents, like cemeteries, obituaries, wakes. now to the critical mass.

as i wrote before, my mother rarely laughs (outside of the company of her sister), and when she does she looks and sounds like she's in pain.

now personally I've made a LOT of people laugh a LOT in my life. the number of times i think that I've made her genuinely laugh out loud? once i think. and it was when my father was talking about taking his pills and he sounded like a convicted Nazi slipping himself a cyanide capsule. yes a joke comparing her husband to the Nazis was the one joke that i've created that really made her laugh.

now my father isn't' immune either. again he can take an awful situation and make light of it, then take a usually Happy subject and see the black lining.

perfect example: one of the rare times I've had a girlfriend was a couple years ago. he got wind of it from me and my aunt. around the same time, my sister in law was in a small car accident. so he wrote to me an e mail talking about both the accident and the girlfriend.

so how did he begin the subject of the car accident? "interesting news!" and he went on to tell the story like they found money that fell off a truck, when actually there was a small injury involved. now how did he begin the subject of the "love of my life": "so we heard about this girlfriend. i can't tell you how concerned i am....what if you get her pregnant! what if she's already pregnant! you'll get no help from us mister!" etc. so in review: car accident: interesting! girlfriend: gotterdammerung!

Irish Parents Beyond Good and Evil?

as I've said, my family seems to have maybe an Irish way about them where some of the worst tragedies for most folks in life are enjoyed, and often the enjoyments that most folks have in life are analyzed, critically. and my parents wonder why I'M a critic often.

so as for the good times: wakes: we seem like the only people to admit to enjoying them. and not just stereotypical Irish ones with drinking, singing, dancing. but almost all wakes, because let's face it, as we age it's the most likely place to have a face to face reunion. our family would come back from one and say in truth "we had a good time". of course it's all appropriate: my namesake itself is most famous in Joyce's Finnegans Wake, a name taken from a comic Irish song about having a good crack (Irish lingo: good time) at Finnegan's wake. by the way my friends used to think i was inappropriate at wakes but then they would have a blast. and of course never give me credit for being right.

my mother goes further: in getting the NY Times, the first section she would always go to: obituaries. and she wasn't looking for rent controlled apartments in Manhattan. she was actually ahead of the trend: she was enjoying the concise biography before the late 90s when they were so in vogue: Behind the Music, A and E Biography, E true Hollywood story. she also loved a good cemetery like at Sleepy hollow.

so the good stuff: wakes, obituaries, cemeteries. next, the bad stuff: girlfriends, comedy, personal enjoyment

Mother of Posts: Biggest Critic

i've received some good response about my writings about my mother. thanks to all of you who have read, enjoyed, commented, very much appreciate it.

however guess who's been the most vocally unhappy about them: of course, my mother! she has said why a bit: that the subject's not worth writing about, makes her look funny, etc. this is from the woman who used to sing full blast at church even with her teenage son completely embarrassed next to her. a woman who would sing songs like the "Aunt Jemima" song at the slightest suggestion. the woman who always said "the squeaky wheel gets the grease".

in other words somewhat stereotypical Irish: big showboat at first, but when you get "too big for your britches (whatever those are)," "well isn't himself a big butter and egg man!", you should mind your manners. passive aggressive Irish behavior.

Unique Language, Mom

a bunch of vocabulary my mother says regularly, i've rarely heard anyone else say:

• all heads of hair are called "curls", except if you have stringy hair, then it's "streelyas"--i wrote it phonetically because i don't know if it's a real word.
• 
  
• if you have some money to spend, you're a "Butter and Egg man" (a slang term that goes back to the 20s)
• if something's out of date: "that went out with high button shoes"
• she loves to call living things "bold" if they're being a little cocky, like a demanding cat is "bold". but if you misbehave then you're often "wicked'". like Blue jays: "o they're so wicked!"
• i've written before about her use of the word pussy. see blog: Words Change Meaning
• if someone's tone deaf: '"can't carry a tune in a bucket"
• someone talks too much: "could talk a dog off a meat wagon"
• if a female is a "poor soul" (also used often), she's often called "Ella Cinders'" instead of Cinderella
• if a female is strutting around like the bitch is back, she's called "Lizzy Jit"
• if someone's walking around quietly, almost sneaking around: "creeper mouse"

Ironmen: My Family

please xcuse me for being somewhat self congratulatory in the following writing but i did want to document some of my family's actions:

my family, on my mother's Sexton side especially, have a way with endurance trait seems pretty extraordinary at times. examples:

• my grand father Pa (Kenneth Sexton) worked in Pennsylvanian coal mines for over 30 years, maybe closer to 40. he smoked cigars for years. he also sang into his 80s in public, well (unlike say Sinatra).
• my mother has had Multiple sclerosis for about 40 years now. employed for most of that time. she was only starting to show signs after about the 25th. she's become worse but even after a stroke, she still talks a lot,, can still enjoy many education programs
• some of my "achievements": have out ate guys twice my size, can walk forever, stay awake forever, watch cable forever, scr-w forever, some athletics, have actually lived in weather extremes like freezing cold, desert summer heat, desert wind storms, exercised in highest humidity.

the Mother of Blogs: Explanation

my mother has been quite sick for some years and it's hard to tell how much longer she has left with us, which is why i may be writing quite a lot about her now and for the near future.

partially i want to give tribute to her while she's still here: think of how many people, even the most famous and accomplished, are feted after they're gone, almost seems disrespectful in itself like you ignored them while they lived and now are talking behind their backs (or above their graves) when they're gone.

i especially want to do this because she had a stroke and memory for her is difficult. also i really do want to prepare for that fateful day when she does have to pass as we all do. i want to make sure that the best of her is memorialized and expressed at that time especially.

Our Family and Animals

no this isn't a writing on bestiality u sicko...

it runs in our family that we have a way with animals. my grandfather Pa would go to a zoo, go to Tilly the elephant's cage, yell "up Tilly! up!" and the goddamn pachyderm would honest to god stand on her hind legs.

my mother has ways and many have been passed on. for instance our family doesn't just walk dogs, we walk our cats. my mother used to walk at least 3 of ours. they would love it. she would whistle for them, they would come, and they would walk around the block, sniffing, checking out properties, pissing at times. loved it.

i do it too: when i walk my sister's dog, the cat loves to come, run around etc even with the big dog. he loves it more than the dog i think. both are black by the way, i call them my Army of Darkness.

and my niece and nephew do it too. everyone who sees us says pretty much the same: "i've never seen such a thing!" "my cat doesn't do a anything!" "they just walk with you?" it's something you don't see marching around in the suburbs in 2010 too much.

Mom, Unique

you know how every time you hear an Irishman, from the old country, irish americans etc, speak about the British, they hate them with unchecked passion? the prime minister, parliament etc?

now as i've written, my mother is very irish, pretty much pure irish descent. her views on the British: she loves them! "yeah yeah yeah!" loves the culture, people, history. Lady Di, the Queen Mum whoever the hell that is, Brit coms like Keeping up appearances and Fawlty towers, loves it all! i just recently found a British shop down in Greenwich VIllage on Hudson and im going on a shopping spree there for mother's day.

now at other times i don't know how consciously she has wanted to be unique but the feeling comes out at times. even for the tragic. after she came down with multiple sclerosis years ago, she, being a librarian and inquisitive like me, read up on it a lot.

much later we were talking about diseases that you never heard of years ago but you seem to hear about every 2 seconds now like that "corporate tunnel vision syndrome" or "carpet tunnel syndrome" or whatever it is. and she said that's kind of how she felt: she thought she was alone in her disease, "then i realized, everyone has it! everyone has the disease!" she was saying it like she was disappointed in not being unique in having a debilitating disease

Your Real Values

why is it that someone, who is devout and practicing, has relatively high morals, environmentally conscious, thoughtfull, sensitive, spiritual, respectful, healthy, , creative, smart, funny, loyal, loving

can be seen as a loser, unworthy, second (or lower) class, pathetic, not worthy of respect, not worthy of love

by society, relationships, employers, the governmentt, even many of his loved ones?

and do you see that it is a society that does not really respect the attributes of the above first paragraph, when those listed don't go along with success as in fame, security, fortune, power

and it directly or indirectly keeps him down and out in the second paragraph in perpetuity

Mother, Irish Catholic

my mother seems like such a stereotypical repressed nun- educated Irish Catholic (at least the last 4 words are true), that even her laughter seems to elicit guilt: she either looks and sounds like she's in pain (which at least wasn't true years ago) or she combines the soft noises with an "o god!". the only people i really saw her comfortable around with laughter were her sister and close cousin.

on the other hand, you know how you always hear awful stories about nuns? their cruelty, beatings etc? My mother is he only person besides maybe George Carlin (another irish american who loved language) who LOVED the nuns. always had good stories about them. loves to see them, and hear them sing etc. loves how they're all 100 years old. thankful for their education.

my mother is one of those irish/catholics (i've heard italians do this too, maybe part of the beauty of that language also), that even their curses sound like lovely prayers that would only be improved by latin interpretation: '"Jesus mary and joseph!" "merciful heavens!" "by the bells of st mary's!"

New Boy/girlfriend=Touring Beauty Contest

that's pretty much the way it is. you get a new girlfriend/ beau (i love calling them that, sounds like im some antebellum belle), and s/he is taken on tour to meet those close to you: the parents, family, friends, relatives, work friends etc.

they compete, knowingly or not, in a bit of a contest, but like a show on the road that's being seen by local reviewers. and like a beauty contest there are categories: beauty, poise, talent (for conversation etc), congeniality, how they answer questions about world peace whatever.

and from there the judges score it, either with individual judgements or usually conferring: what did you think of him? do we like him? do we hear wedding bells (i.e do we have a winner?)

and the differences of judges are like in the Olympics: their level of criticism ranges from the easy judge (the male friend who never gets laid so therefore welcomes ANY woman to be remotely close to him) to the stringent (the mother who thinks that no one is good enough for her child).

They Think Their Crap is Pumpkin Pie

now i'm sure most of us have had friends, relatives etc who'v had goddamn babies and that's all they talk about, that's every picture they take, their Facebook photo isn't them it's their friggin kids. and believe it or not im not being cynical here: after a while most of these kids started to look very much the same to me in pics, no bs. but of course we have to say "she looks like you". "he looks like your jerk off husband'" etc.

now the title above, it';s pretty much true for parents. and im including parents of pets, especially ones that don't have human kids yet. they'll talk about their kids' shit at meals, casual conversation, stories, explanatories. they'll sniff the kids' crotch to see if they crapped, right next to where the meal is served. the most disgusting material in the everyday world is shit and that's what we fucking talk about!!???

and further: maybe worse than parents of humans is actually the married who can't or haven't had a kid yet but have a goddamn pet. i've heard these champs talk about getting their friggin dog into modeling, or they can't go out with their friends because they can't leave the dog alone, the pooch (I knew one dog for whom i couldn't call it that word(!)) is on every holiday pic with some idiotic antlers on or something.

by the way i got news for ya: every goddamn baby ever doesn't do shit. actually that's almost all the thing does: shit, eat, sleep, burp, cry, get to 2nd base. sounds like me in college haha. .

In Memory of...

don't mean to sound obsessive about good old/bad old death, although it kind of runs in my family (my mother loves obituaries, graveyards--i agree with that one. though we always gave it all a bit of levity too--where they're from, Scranton penn, the funeral home was the "corpse house', and you admitted to having a "good time" at a wake, seeing old friends etc. yes you can throw in some Irish jokes here if u want.

anyway we all know that i do a lot of blah blah writing and all, so i hope i put it to good use when a loved one dies, i do like to write a eulogy. remembering good times we had, good parts to that person, achievements, etc. think it's fitting to really remember them, the good, get it written and give it to those closer to the person as a good remembrance. a token of appreciation of the person.

it also serves the future. as i've mentioned im loyal to loved ones' birthdays, and also death days, the day that one passed on. on that day or near it, i think it again fitting to remember them as mentioned above, and the eulogy is a good program to go by. a good memory, a good time to give reverence, respect etc. i don't think that going to a graveyard is important (except for fun haha), i think more that the time, efforts, memories, thoughtfulness to the person is the real importance.

The Importance of Birthdays

a place a great deal of importance on them, both mine and my loved ones'. some think an inappropriate amount. i tend to disagree: i pretty much place myself at the person's calling, go wherever they want to go, do what they want etc. it's their one day of the year to get what they want, so i go the extra effort. then i set myself up for failure: i expect the same in return, pretty much never get it. have to remember that more when their days come around.

lately i've seen even more the important time that birthdays are. a friend of mine passed recently, pretty young, very unexpected. so a bunch of my old friends gathered for the service. now last and this year, a bunch of the same people had big birthdays, you know, numbers with zero at the end (won't be more specific). and a few of these guys didn't really have anything in celebration etc. (for the record, i contacted them all and again placed myself at their command).

so we didn't see each other for a big milestone of an age, an achievement, but where did we see each other? at a funeral service. and i guess that's the way it'll be from now forward. not seeing each other for life, but at times of death when there's at least one less of us. guess it tells you, the death of past friendships and the way it was. maybe this is just passing experience, but i doubt it unfortunately.

Aging Parents, Loved Ones

well i hate to preach (haha), but i do have some advice that doesn't seem to be said enough in our society, where too often we're interested in the new, trendy, strong, etc. i ask more people: pay attention to your loved ones before they get too old, sick, weak, and unfortunately die.


as i've mentioned before my mother has had fading health for many years. after she retired, i asked her to write more down: family history, language (see entry from yesterday), stories. unfortunately she was very sick and weak, didn't get much done.

so i started to interview and film her, and write myself, about what i mentioned above. made some progress. unfortunately her health took a sharp turn for the worse a couple years ago so i think that a lot the past will be lost.

so I'm trying the same with my father, and for yesterday's St Patrick's day, instead of being an Irish stereotype of a walking green intoxicated loudmouth, i interviewed and filmed him in a similar way. .

so think of the future, that some day, maybe your kids will ask about their ancestors, or you may wonder yourself more, so try to take advantage while you can, is my advice.