Empty Sky: World Trade Center tribute

for better or worse, I didn't personally know anyone who died in the World Trade Center towers. I was living in NYC at the time of the collapse and a lot of us had "friends of friends" that did unfortunately perish. But again personally I didn't know anyone who died there. I did however mourn their loss a good deal, especially around the time of the tragedy: the 6 month anniversary, 1 year later  etc. 


However I did personally know and love the Trade Center itself. SInce I was young it was a center of interest for a kid like me. it was the location of the  ultimate scene of a King Kong flick back then. also it was a theatre for the famous "HUman Fly": George Willig, who scaled the side of a tower and was fined $1.10, a penny for every floor.


 Whenever my family made a trip near NYC, I loved to see the skyline from wherever you could see it, no matter the distance. I  loved to visit the towers, see the views, learn about them. 


Years later I was to become an actual  tour guide in NYC, where I  passed by and noted the towers regularly to everyone I could. Over the years and mainly because of the job, I learned more about them, and the great achievements that they went through:  human achievement, technological, architectural etc:

• the Center was a city within itself, where up to around 50,000 people would be employed on weekdays. . How many cities around the world don't have nearly that many people living within them? And the greatest fear that I and many had on the infamous Sept 11 was that so many more would be dead since the Center could hold so many. Not to belittle those that were killed, but it seems like a great miracle to me that the toll was relatively low. 
• an incredible 200,000 visitors per day on average. 
• It was literally on top of the one of the greatest financial centers in the world. A soaring symbol of capitalism, architecture, achievement and more. 
• It was possibly  the location of the  site of  furthest viewing in the world: on a very clear day, one could see around 55 miles away. Possibly 2 states away to Penn. An incredible view: I don't think even mountains like Everest boast that far a look. 
• the most stories of any building for decades: 110
• tallest building in the world when it was first built: over 1300 feet tall. 
• from what I read, highest inhabitable floors of any building for decades, higher than Sears
• one of the most beautiful restaurants in a city with some of the most beautiful restaurants on Earth: Windows on hte World. highest grossing restaurant in U.S. 
• one of, if not the largest office complex on Earth
• quarter mile height, 1 acre of space per floor, in the 70s.  had it' own zip code. 
• huge amount of construction, excavation, material which was used to actually build a whole new neighborhood: Battery Park City
• housing some of the great architectural influence of Le Courbusier and Yamasaki. 

When someone or something passes from me that was close to me, I like to note a lot of the positive  aspects that it had when alive. To me, the Center was very much alive from when I was a child up through its death, and that's why I have written about it. Please do not assume that because I am writing about steel and frame, that I elevate it above the souls of those that died then. If I had a choice, I would have the lives of all of those who perished saved, with  the towers falling down. But I think that we could mourn the loss of both. 

Moving On?

not as much time. full time job. blog paying pennies. 


move on: more possible projects, films, broadcast? tv?


 if had more time would write more. if it paid more also.


 need to express myself more to more. move on? 

Death and Destruction with Dignity

i don't think that any death should be met with cheers. 


same goes for war, "victory", "glory". 


the existence of the evil is what should be mourned, and one should learn from it, avoid it. the fact that it exists is a tragedy. getting past it, by military "victory", death of your "enemy" etc should it seems be met with relief, but cheers seem inappropriate. 


war is not a football game. our nations aren't teams that are meeting to win on the field. death wins. tragedy and evil win. we need to get past it all, to peace, thru negotiation, diplomatic adjustments, cooperation etc. our energies, monies etc should be saved more for that instead of military industrial complex, empire, world police etc. 


everyone talks big about peace. peace is tougher in many ways than dropping bombs. peace is active and to work towards it takes labor. it's not all doves, kids, fields, holding hands. 

SLow Month?

April's been "cruel", been busy with other priorities: a new job (full time), a big wedding which i was involved in, i almost had to move. so haven't been writing as much.

 ironic since  usually april's "my month", where i get a lot down, ideas, writings, music etc, since i like to get it done "before I'm (whatever age I'm turning, my birthday's at the end of the month)", for posterity etc, so i usually get a lot done but again this has been a tumultuous month.

Parallel Subway Lines

what if that train running parallel to yours was a parallel world?

Transition

in bloom

transition


change 

April cruel 


occupation 


 less time


rite of passage, marriage

trip


happiness 


what should you do with your life man


love

the Spirit of a Wedding

i think i see the sign

o.k i'll admit im getting into it. still believe it's  overpriced, overrated, leads to marriage etc, but may as well enjoy it since i'm obligated, and it's for a loved one: 

• listening to a lot of love songs (hey how many great love songs are there, right?)
• looking fine in the tux (wink) 
• going to Asbury park
• looking forward to drugs i like: champagne, open bar, hash brownies? 
• eating a lot of good food
• some friends
• near full moon 
• effort to a loved one 
• my kick ass dance moves (wink wink)
• spring 
• love 

Disappearing Act

i've said for a while that a man alone at a bar is maybe as  close to a human gets to  being invisible.

•  seemingly no friends, 
• people see him as a lonesome loser 
• women want to follow, go with the trends, go with a "proven winner", so they avoid him 
• groups will literally push him around., out of his seat etc
• less talking, more drinking, more likely to move to a problem drinker? 

 the only ones who care are  the ones who wants his money: the bartenders/waiters. and this is compounded more at a strip joint. lots of men alone there. 


but,  the older one gets, , the more one disappears? 

•  not as many will hire, entry level etc? 
• less attractive,  less relationships? 
• hence less likely to have kids.
•  less people care: friends and family have moved on with their individual families, parents are getting older and can't care  as much.
•  mid life crises are not as appealing as coming of age stories? 

Poison April, the Cruellest Foolish month

i should get a 9-5 job, something steady, like civil service. plan on becoming married. have 2 kids.  become a Christian. get a house in the suburbs. golf. with my male friends.  drive a car. mow my lawn. 

Risky Business

how's it hangin'

so one has lived for how long, just surviving, hanging on, tightrope walking. 


one hits a rough slide that even he can't get out of.


but should he build on what was before? 


risk, take off, in maybe even riskier behavior since the "easier" way didn't go thru? 


the "easier" route didn't pan out, so go back to the "risky" route? since it's panned out more in the past? 


even if that means going back to a life he really doesn't want
which will be very hard in some ways. 
but seemingly necessary. 


letting go not much from now.


steps forward, steps backward.  

the Charlie (Sheen) Limbo

art of darkness

i think there's a theory  called  the Peter principle that says that even the most accomplished can fall to their level of inadequacy. for instance, Hitler was brilliant as a politician, but when he tried to take on military leadership, he ultimately failed in a huge way. 


me and a friend noticed that  as far as names go, the phenomenon may be even truer amongst Charlies. it seems  to pop up a lot: 'Charlie in the box' from Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, Charlie x from Star trek, Charlie Chaplin at times (marrying teenagers, trials, expulsion from the US), Charles Barkley at times (spitting on fans, never winning title, saying he'd play for the Klan etc), Charlie Batch (failed NFL qb.) and of course, the once, present and probably future Charles the Infamous, Sheen. 


like i said, they seem to limbo on down to a spectacular  level of infamy. Chaplin was maybe one of the greatest artists of all time. Sheen was the highest paid actor on tv.  but they just tend to do poorly decided  actions that make you say, "what a Charlie!" 

Loser Lamentations: Cold Cuts

 finally tossed out. on to the street.  happened.  cut off


 3rd time during the holidays. tis the season. money matters. "success" matters. the "successful" matter. smarts? no. talent? no. family? no. friend? no. 


Benefit cards. food stamps. cutting lines. stink. his world. 


poverty,  never surrender,;  despair, creation


New York City.  unusually cold.  below freezing.  wind and chill. of course bitter. walking the streets. up town. darker less visible. lots of pet stores, etc. they matter. 


north. west. victories? triumphs? matters? 

Really Odd Jobs

Really Odd Jobs

this is a continuation of an old blog entry, this is a podcast

Podcast? Youtube?

techno

been a litte slow on the writing  because it's  a bit of a time of transition. where im proud of my writing, blogging etc , i want to move on i think to some activities i want to do, and which can earn me more pay and notoriety   i hope.


 so i've looked into podcasting (for those who don't know, like an audio blog), since everyone says i should be in voice overs, radio etc, because of my face (beat you to it?) and of course i've been talking about filming and You tube etc, and may have a method there so we'll see. 


as usual your opinions, comments etc are welcome.


 again a time to figure what i want, how to go about it, best medium etc. what's great is that so much of it can be done at home on computer etc. and the equip for the most part isnt' expensive.  if anyone's interested let me know i can give you info. 

Will.i.am Lowman

really need a break at times

im not sure how much i can write in the near future, for  a while. i need to find employment just to survive  and it's been pretty tough

• low paying, underpaying jobs
• scams for get rich quick:  wire  money back, or pay us hundreds and you'll get a job etc. the worst sociopaths, preying on the desperate
• Bolles, author of What Color is your parachute, a job hunting book: the worst part of not finding a job isn't the money, it's the lowering of self esteem. every one's winning, you're losing. 
• your "'friends" looking down on you, talking shit about you, judging you
• your family guilt tripping  you, saying that you shouldn't have let it go
• the embarrassment  of government assistance. 
• unhelpful job centers, 
• agencies reaping 40 percent of your pay
• the stifling of the knowledgeable, talented, smart, creative, unique
• everyone thinking they know the best way for you to proceed and nothing works
• seeing assholes, idiots, bums with jobs
• such is the Lowman: he knows it all,  everyone laughs at him, but he's really  not worth shit
• at least Miller's had wife, kids, house, car, mistress. right Biff? Cantstandya? Larry? funny: my father was a Salesman too. 

Black Fruits

sounds like a special in a Chelsea buck house haha


today was in a NYC public sitting area, at Worldwide plaza. top 20 tallest in NY, duly noted. this one building actually has TWO Starbucks open  for the public, on street sides. used to have this cheapo cinema there for 3 bucks in the early 2000s, flicks and crowds of such trash   that even a poverty- stricken fuck  like me didn't go after a while.


 so was saying good bye to the blue sky. sunny Autumnal  day like Sept 11.  looking at the trees for nice  sturdy  branches and all. 


last night i finished that flick the “Good’" Girl.   don’t know why  "Good'  wasn’t in quotes, since i think it was supposed to be  ironic. this bitch tried to kill her lover, ratted him out where he later killed himself,  had his kid and had it raised by her husband amongst other sins. Of course it was played by Jennifer Anison, “American's sweethaeart’ (again note the quotes),   and she was a cute young  white woman, so i guess she was good ultimately, right?  

Anyway she  tried to kill her "love” (quotes again) with these supposedly rancid black berries. of course later in the decade (film was from 2002),   blackberry abuse was when you used your ostentatious phone too fucking much. but in the flick, literal death by blackberry.  i also thought  of MASH (the flick) when Painless wanted to kill himself for, of all things 70s, believing himself to be gay,  and the good doctors ceremoniously endow upon  him a placebo “black capsule’ (song, suicide  is painless) at his Last Supper.


  not  painless today, and after the trees, looked down,  and  at my sinister foot was a big black berry. looked up in the sheltering tree above me and there were no more. a tree of knowledge?  had to look at it,   give it some thought. had to. But was off after a while, and actually, really,   accidentally stepped on the it while i was turning to leave. 

Loser Lamentations

darkness inevitable? 

meant to not be? 


no where (man)


no one


me? please


darker than black? 


beyond? 


you are what to everyone?


you are? 


days, nights, dark swamp march


trail of descent


long long low low


forget? 


done  with"dignity"?


"you are what you're worth"


plenty o nuttin

Breed Alone: Unemployment

bread, alone

 The good old by-products of being jobless: 

• every chick will ask you "so what do you do?" not that they're screening for "no buck no fuck" or anything like that. no bread and alone? breed alone
• prick "friends" that sit in judgement of you, asking/criticising if you're doing enough. Their opinion: it's your fault. funny, they probably see us as trash. But i think of Huck Finn, where the "nigger" Jim, low man  of society, calls the white guy  "trash" for treating his friend poorly
• sociopaths: scam artists on e.g. Craigslist, pressuring the unemployed to pay thousands to them, wire them money etc 
• sleeping in  the trash pile some more. less money, more need  for assistance, unemployment,   etc. And again suffering the guilt from your "friends" and family for milking the system, when unemployment isn't tax payer money, but insurance fees paid by businesses. 
• every one's winning, you're losing 
• right wing assholes (redundant?) like that Lieutenant  governor of S Carolina (surprise)  who says not to give anything to the poor since they will breed (again: bred alone).  and Bill  O'Reilly's hyper snobbery which  commented against folks stranded on roofs after Katrina like they were in a human zoo
• Left wing assholes like Tom Leykus:   "you're paid what you're worth"

My Really Odd jobs

"Iraqi Army": pretty close 

now we've all heard the phrase odd jobs, folks hat have switched careers, actors with weird jobs etc. don't know if anyone can compare to me though

• mentioned before: Men's room attendant, strip joints. mentioned before. as said, no jerking off in the stalls that i ever knew of, but  lots of coke (probably strippers, definitely  patrons)
• phone psychic. don't know if i worked for Miss Cleo or whatever. didn't last long, i really felt bad about just reading out of  a book fortunes. 
• Mr Wizard, actually called  his "assistant', 1 man show to schools. did his show around the nation, mainly Cal, and the northeast.  awful job: everything solo (set up, sound, performance, trans, paperwork, more), company didn't care if you literally had to drive all night to a school, directions were very tough (pre gps, how were we to know how to get to a school? and we weren't allowed to rely on directions from the school!)
• as mentioned before:  NYC  tour guide. again awful: horrible buses, drivers that you literally can't communicate with, a bus full of tourists that don't speak much English driving in pouring rain through Manhattan. nightmare. 
• role player with the Marines.  . the Marines needed to train in the desert for Iraq. 29 Palms Marine base is biggest in world i think, middle of Mojave desert. they needed to train for community interaction, so they built a fake town, with fake townspersons, including me. learned some Arabic, how to shoot an AK 47, played "Iraqi army', insurgent, etc. good job, horrible conditions. 

none of this is bullshit or exaggeration. this is just a partial listing i can probably come up with more, at least unique temp (couple day, 1 day) jobs. 

Why I Thought/THink that NY Sucks in Summer

they still do this near me

• in our house with 2 parents and 4 kids, there was only a cheap a.c. unit in the TV room. we mainly slept upstairs (where the heat rose), barely had fans for some reasons. we had  one big attic fan which blew hot attic air,  thru i think a 4 by 4 vent, which was supposed to cool us off. god that hot air up there never moved, i wonder how we slept at all. hate to complain about the people that gave me so much, but that was one of those instances where we were supposed to tough it out. like sickness, injury, bad jobs etc. 
• i grew up thinking that all  beaches suck because of the ones in NY and NJ. still think they're pretty weak. at least back then,  places like Jones beach: not the cleanest water, get burned (sunblock not as common?), get sand everywhere.  is a place so great, when you have to shower afterwards? like sex with my ex wife yuk yuk. 
• school went til late June and there always seemed to be a heat wave attacking us at some point, and of course there was no a.c., little circulation in those huge brick buildings. 
•  i did a good deal of theatre pretty young. since i was in school,  i did it  much in the summer. again it seemed like a heat wave would often strike right at opening nite: in often big heavy costumes, big heavy makeup, wigs, hot lights, halls without a.c., little circulation
• again my fervent environmentalism kept me from even using a fan in the hottest month in NYC records, July 1999: http://thekrock.blogspot.com/2010/07/to-past-darkly-summer-1999.html
• i really want to know  why, if there's no sunlight at all  down below, every  subway tunnel feels like you're in a level of  hell? every other subterranean  level in the world is cool. 

keep in mind I've lived in the Mojave desert, L.A., FLorida and Texas in Summers, and i still think that NY summers are some of the hottest i've experienced.