when we were 'youths", us boys wanted to be athletes, rock stars, astronauts. as we aged, repeatedly we were told to grow up, "be men", i.e dump your dreams, make money, be "'dependable'".
the girls wanted big lavish white weddings with huge flowers, dresses, music, honeymoon etc. how many of them were NOT told: "grow up", "be adults", "it's a waste of money", "be pragmatic", "invest the money", "use it for something much more worthwhile"?
so according to society: men need to be "MEN". women, and society, see it as the RIGHT of chicks to have a big ridiculous lavish weddings. "because it was their dream from when they were a little girl." well it was our dream since we were little boys to be rock stars. but everyone told us to '"grow up" and we for the most part did. .
but men and women are not treated equally by society. it's o.k for a chick to have far flung dreams and get them when she grows up, no matter how wasteful, impractical, short sighted. it's called being a "woman'. but very very often, if a man wants his dreams, his ambitions, his self realization, he's a Peter pan man child. even short term: fancy car, boat, pricey golf clubs etc.
a woman wants a gaudy wedding it's a dream come true. a man wants a gaudy car it's impractical.
Hmmm. While there are lots of double standards between the sexes on both sides, I am gonna disagree with this one personally, if only because as a kid my dream wasn't to have a big crazy wedding. It still isn't. In fact because I never really dreamed about my wedding planning the one I am planning now was kind of hard at first because I had no idea what I wanted. But in the end it made it easier because it meant I could make decisons based on what is best NOW instead of what I wanted when I was 8 years old. You know? My dreams as a kid had little to do with getting married and everything to do with being a famous star! I wanted to be a dancer/actress/singer/olympic gymnast/marine mammal trainer/horse racing jockey. No joke. Clearly my lack of focus has hurt me. ;-) Now as it turns out I am getting married to a guy who followed his childhood dreams of acting and producing and travelling and I haven't asked him to stop. Mostly because he's been doing okay with it as a career since he was a child. And our wedding, though nice, isn't going to be a crazy lavish affair. We're well below the national average of a 20K wedding (seriously well below)and instead of being all "It's MY day" about it I am really trying to make everything about it as nice and easy for everyone involved as possible. My parents are paying for part of it so they get a say in things, and they also wanted to keep it somewhat humble. For example, the bridesmaids get to choose their own dresses,the guys won't be in tuxes, and we picked a relatively cheap location based on price as well as proximity to most people so that nobody had to pay for hotels or travelling. And even my dress was a complete bargain. I went to a fancy dress shop and tried on beautiful dresses that ran about 2K and then walked out of there and bought a simple yet beautiful one for $400 at a discount shop. So, it's not every girl's dream to have a crazy fancy wedding. I thought about it but I couldn't justify spending THAT much money on one night or going into debt over it. It IS impractical, no matter how you look at it, but so are lots of things. As far as I am concerned it's more about having a lovely day with my family and friends than it is about being MY DAY. I just want a drama free, happy day with the people I love the most in the world to watch me and Curtis get married and then dance the night away. :) And I also considered eloping but my family and some friends would have been way dissapointed. The weddings really aren't for the couple sometimes as much as they are for the friends and families.
ReplyDelete