In Memory of...

don't mean to sound obsessive about good old/bad old death, although it kind of runs in my family (my mother loves obituaries, graveyards--i agree with that one. though we always gave it all a bit of levity too--where they're from, Scranton penn, the funeral home was the "corpse house', and you admitted to having a "good time" at a wake, seeing old friends etc. yes you can throw in some Irish jokes here if u want.

anyway we all know that i do a lot of blah blah writing and all, so i hope i put it to good use when a loved one dies, i do like to write a eulogy. remembering good times we had, good parts to that person, achievements, etc. think it's fitting to really remember them, the good, get it written and give it to those closer to the person as a good remembrance. a token of appreciation of the person.

it also serves the future. as i've mentioned im loyal to loved ones' birthdays, and also death days, the day that one passed on. on that day or near it, i think it again fitting to remember them as mentioned above, and the eulogy is a good program to go by. a good memory, a good time to give reverence, respect etc. i don't think that going to a graveyard is important (except for fun haha), i think more that the time, efforts, memories, thoughtfulness to the person is the real importance.

US: Natural Born Killers?

U.S.A! U.S.A! screw the great performances we had at the Winter Olympics. we're down in the dearths of death on so many lists!!:

• sept 11 onwards: 3000 americans killed, TENS OF THOUSANDS OF FOREIGN INNOCENTS WIPED OUT BY THE MOST WMDS IN HISTORY!! USA! USA!
• #4 in world in of most executions! and our god son IRaq is ahead of us as is our friend Saudi arabia! big credit to Texas for leading the way again in not just revisionist history (written not by historians but by politicians, special interests, lobbyists), but again they lead in executions with more than 100 percent more than all of the remaining states combined!. don't mess with em indeed!
• most nukes!
• biggest gun sellers!
• near top of list of highest national per capita firearm deaths!

USA! USA!

Dead March

pretty soon after i reached adulthood (I sound like a tad pole) i noticed that a lot of my loved ones that passed did so in March (yes i pay attention to death days, like i pay attention to birthdays). all men i think except a female cat. around that time i read in the NY Times Science that i think psychologists had done a study where they saw that a lot of folks died in Spring, as the deceased saw a new natural year coming up and were able to endure. understandable of course for the sick, old etc.

seems to happen at end/beginning of other eras: remember last year, 2009, how many celebrities died, the year right before a new decade began?

then it seems that there are others that hang on just long enough and pass. . when certain people who should have died well before they did like Bob Hope and Sinatra, but they hung on til 100 and 80.

im the type who's usually the last at the party since my obsessive compulsiveness makes me hang around "just in case something happens." which seems like why i'll live til at least 2012 haha.

Friday the 26th

im not sure if anyone else has had this experience that follows. we all know of fri the 13th and bad luck. but i've also had a run of bad luck often at fri the 26th (get it, double 13?)

honest it doesn't happen every time, today wasn't too bad. in fact i was unexpectedly contacted by several chicks interestingly.

but there's been some humdingers, including eviction once, i think i had my car towed in nyc once. so i make sure i watch out for the day and actually act superstitious: knock wood, throw salt behind etc.

however unfortunately i was born on the 26th which i guess explains some crap.

interestingly i've noticed that at times Wednesday the 26th has been lucky for me, specifically i've gotten some good action then (laid usually) so i watch for that too. in fact one's coming in may, ladies, make ur reservations now haha.

so yes i suppose im into numerology a bit since some coincidence seems to happen at certain times, dates, etc. coincidence is always something to be noted, good and bad, and good gamblers (including stock brokers), insurance men etc will tell you the same.

Masturbating to Mars

a lot of folks that know me know that i love astronomy (no not fucking astrology) more than most. im geeky enough to mark eclipses on my calendar, meteor showers etc. i actually know what happens at solstices and equinoxes.

that being said: im sick to death of fucking Mars! enough! what the fuck are we going up there for all the time? what the hell do we think we'll find? a couple of microorganisms? how many billions of dollars have we spend to find these pieces of shit?

what the fuck are we gonna do with them if we find them? breed them to make more microorganisms? they barely have fucking water up there! will we try to start an earth 2 that will only take about 5 billion years to advance to life forms equivalent of Kevin Ferdeline?

how big is the fucking Universe and we keep going there? accomplishing nothing? it reminds me of when i would dj: all the thousands of songs to use and we would play the same god damn ones over and over (Play that Funky music, Staying alive, I will survive (at a wedding--no wonder 50 percent divorce rate) etc). expand your horizons NASA! And im literally talking to rocket scientists here!

The Importance of Birthdays

a place a great deal of importance on them, both mine and my loved ones'. some think an inappropriate amount. i tend to disagree: i pretty much place myself at the person's calling, go wherever they want to go, do what they want etc. it's their one day of the year to get what they want, so i go the extra effort. then i set myself up for failure: i expect the same in return, pretty much never get it. have to remember that more when their days come around.

lately i've seen even more the important time that birthdays are. a friend of mine passed recently, pretty young, very unexpected. so a bunch of my old friends gathered for the service. now last and this year, a bunch of the same people had big birthdays, you know, numbers with zero at the end (won't be more specific). and a few of these guys didn't really have anything in celebration etc. (for the record, i contacted them all and again placed myself at their command).

so we didn't see each other for a big milestone of an age, an achievement, but where did we see each other? at a funeral service. and i guess that's the way it'll be from now forward. not seeing each other for life, but at times of death when there's at least one less of us. guess it tells you, the death of past friendships and the way it was. maybe this is just passing experience, but i doubt it unfortunately.

Double Standards: Adult Women and Men

when we were 'youths", us boys wanted to be athletes, rock stars, astronauts. as we aged, repeatedly we were told to grow up, "be men", i.e dump your dreams, make money, be "'dependable'".

the girls wanted big lavish white weddings with huge flowers, dresses, music, honeymoon etc. how many of them were NOT told: "grow up", "be adults", "it's a waste of money", "be pragmatic", "invest the money", "use it for something much more worthwhile"?

so according to society: men need to be "MEN". women, and society, see it as the RIGHT of chicks to have a big ridiculous lavish weddings. "because it was their dream from when they were a little girl." well it was our dream since we were little boys to be rock stars. but everyone told us to '"grow up" and we for the most part did. .

but men and women are not treated equally by society. it's o.k for a chick to have far flung dreams and get them when she grows up, no matter how wasteful, impractical, short sighted. it's called being a "woman'. but very very often, if a man wants his dreams, his ambitions, his self realization, he's a Peter pan man child. even short term: fancy car, boat, pricey golf clubs etc.

a woman wants a gaudy wedding it's a dream come true. a man wants a gaudy car it's impractical.

Wedding Industrial Racket 3 (am i being clear?haha)

so instead of spending sometimes tens of thousands on a one day affair, let's look at other far more worthwhile entities you can put your money towards:

• house
• car
• kids
• kids' education
• your education (notice this and the house are usually worthwhile investments for the future and not gone in a day. they also don't usually have a 50 percent failure rate)
• charities to reallly help people's lives
• investment in stocks, bonds etc (again an investment), possibly for retirement

now notice i didn't say vacation, another institution which is blown short term and gone.

anyway i think you get my point. maybe it takes the poor, unmarried (redundant?) and bitter to realize it all (sigh)

Trash Piles up in all Colors

i've lived in a few highly ethnic neighborhoods now: Greek (from Greece), Mexican, refugees, black, white. worked with many different groups too: Arab (from mid east), Italian, gay, hippies, Irish, poor, mid class.

and what i say above is true: no group is all bad, every single member, and no group is immune from awful members. there's white trash, black, Arab, etc. every group has it.

when we all realize this and see individual behavior as individual, and not representative of the entire group, then we will be less bigoted.

"First Day of Spring"

everyone thinks that the seasons magically "begin' on certain days. they don't. it's not like it's cold march 19 then springy and warm march 20, usually at least. on the Equinox, the Sun lines up directly with the Earth at the Equator (hence the name). the SUn really is directly over head at high noon then, which happens in the Tropics (between Caner and Capricorn) but no where else. that's what happens. around EQUAL day and night.

as far as temperature, what happens is: the solstices are the days when the SUn lines up directly with the Tropic lines, furthest north/south of the Equator of their direct shine on Earth. so the brightest/darkest day depending on the Hemisphere.

let's say it's Summer Solstice in the north: longest day, but NOT the hottest on average because the Earth takes time to warm up. you can actually experience this on an almost daily basis: the brightest time of day is noon, the HOTTEST times of day are a couple hours later usually. so it takes about a month for the hottest temperatures of JUly on average.

at all times of the year the temperatures rise and fall very gradually, so Winter solstice around Dec 20, coldest days about a month later. then they gradually rise. that's they way it is. evolution, not revolution. i know it probably isn't in the Bible, but it's fact if you're not blind to it.

Aging Parents, Loved Ones

well i hate to preach (haha), but i do have some advice that doesn't seem to be said enough in our society, where too often we're interested in the new, trendy, strong, etc. i ask more people: pay attention to your loved ones before they get too old, sick, weak, and unfortunately die.


as i've mentioned before my mother has had fading health for many years. after she retired, i asked her to write more down: family history, language (see entry from yesterday), stories. unfortunately she was very sick and weak, didn't get much done.

so i started to interview and film her, and write myself, about what i mentioned above. made some progress. unfortunately her health took a sharp turn for the worse a couple years ago so i think that a lot the past will be lost.

so I'm trying the same with my father, and for yesterday's St Patrick's day, instead of being an Irish stereotype of a walking green intoxicated loudmouth, i interviewed and filmed him in a similar way. .

so think of the future, that some day, maybe your kids will ask about their ancestors, or you may wonder yourself more, so try to take advantage while you can, is my advice.

American Hypocrisy

why does the rest of the world not speak out against it on the world stage? because they don't want to get blasted, literally or economically by the big bad bully of the globe? whose practices include:

• having the largest stockpile of Weapons of Mass destruction
• having the largest stockpiles of the most deadly weapons on earth including nuclear weapons
• having our military in more than 150 NATIONS OF THE WORLD!! e.g. 30 000 in Japan, the second biggest economy in the world. let's be honest people: we're a MILITARY INDUSTRIAL EMPIRE
• being one of if not the biggest weapon sellers and war profiteers on earth
• having a defense budget /Military industrial complex worth the defense budgets of the next 20 nations COMBINED?
• killing more foreigners, innocents, than any other nation besides Israel maybe (and where do they get their weaponry?)
• throwing out habeous corpus, indefinite detentions, secret overseas prisons, war profiteering (Haliburton), extra judicial military squads (Blackwater)
• weapons technology under our 'friends' was o.k (Pakistan under Musharif, one of the worst rulers on earth), yet not o.k from our "evil enemies"

with all these practices, who are we to tell ANYONE to lessen their weaponry. ANYONE. no matter how "evil" they are since their misdeeds are probably small in comparison. time for america to hold up more mirrors to their practices, morals, international interactions etc.

Irish/ Scranton: Dying Language

my parents are from a very Irish area of Pennsylvania, near Scranton, coal mining area, Depression era. in fact my great grandfather was one of the many miners who was injured back then, which led to the formation of american first aid instruction.

there are words, language, ways of speaking that i've heard from my parents, especially my mother, which i've never heard since. i think it was a development of Irish idioms, saying etc mixed with the time and Americana Pennsylvania. want to write about this more in the future before it dies out but here's a taste:

• if you're busy going in and out the door, you're "in and out like fiddler's elbow." i think it's an Irish saying, once Malacy Mccourt (Frank's brother, an actor) said it to me
• something that's extremely black is "black as hell's waistcoat"
• many pronouns have "-self" attached: "and here's himself!" "where's himself?" "well if it isn't herself in all her glory!" the second one above is one of the first lines in what's been called one of the great plays of history, Playboy of the Western World, Synge

like i said just a taste for the holiday.

Wedding Industrial Racket Follow up

so with all the materials that i listed (see Wedding Industrial Racket), do you all see why everyone in America encourages marriage? the clergy, the media, the famous, politicians etc?

because it means jobs, economic growth, spending, capital etc. an enormous entity that lives on it's own now matter how superfluous and outdated, out of control.

do you need to spend that much for photos? it means more money in the system. that much for a blood diamond? more spending.

even though it's a 50 percent failure rate (quite a gamble i mean investment eh? you buy a house it increases in value. a car, it can probably improve your life as far as job choice, earning, transportation etc. a marriage? even the "greatest lover of all time" Rudolph Valentino's marriage ended in a matter of HOURS (look it up).

Et tu, Brute?

"Caesar, Beware the Ides of March"

i lived in L.A. for 6 years and had a quite regular performance, for a performer. more of that at another time. my best income of my life i think (not saying much). i left that in great part to go home and be closer to my mother who's very sick.

when i moved back i didn't feel good for many reasons: it happened at an awful economic time so i was unemployed (doubly), had to stay with my parents for a bit. no heath insurance as usual. a good friend of mine said not to be hard on myself, it was a tough time.

a month after that i was in that same friends' family house. a joint celebration: his sister's 40th birthday, a friend of ours visiting from Nippon soon to have a kid, another friend with an adopted kid. i gave all these folks gifts though it wasn't required of course.

and in the course of that day, some of my old "friends', who i had seen only briefly since being back, decided to openly attack and belittle my old job, my politics, some old relationships of mine, (one of the attackers was one of the people for who's kid i bought a gift). they even attacked me when 'happy birthday' was sung--i hate the song, don't like singing it. i bought probably more gifts than anyone, but that counted for shit. i think the word to openly describe me was 'idiot' or 'stupid'.

but that wasn't the final home slice: that was from the first friend mentioned, the one who was giving me a break about living with my parents. i think a similar subject came up, how another friend of ours still does laundry at his parent's. and my good friend said, again openly, that 'at least he doesn't live with them.' slam, dah duh dah, let the boys be boys eh?

obviously the point: even if you're down on the ground, bleeding, dying, gasping for any help there, just keep in mind: even an Emperor was butchered by a crowd that was supposed to be closest to him. by a crowd, not by the cowardly lone gunman.

the Wedding Industrial Racket

• bands and djs


• dresses


• halls


• flowers


• rings (artificially inflated price by monopolistic Debeers S African racket)


• showers


• engagement party


• bachelor/ bachelorette parties


• gifts gifts gifts


• registries


• tuxedos


• 100 dollars+ a plate--


• actually let's really call it now what it is, just as political machines have 100 dollar a plate fund raisers, that's what big weddings are: Fund raisesers for the Married


• honeymoon


• house

• divorce lawyers (half the time)


• separate homes


• alimony

Our Aging Parents

• it's inevitable of course. we get to an age where our parents get older (hopefully they're still around), aren't' able to do as much for us, themselves, etc.

• today i realized i did another little action that brings me out more independent of my parents, but also is an indication of them slipping into old age more: for my "Emergency Contact" on a form, i don't write down my father now, i write down my sister. wish i could write him down but he's getting older, not as able to do as much etc. i mean he doesn't really know how to fully use a mobile phone for crissake!

i know it's small but it's like for whom the bell tolls another hour on a clock. i know he probably won't read this for a while at least and i don't want to knock him, just part of life moving on i suppose.

New York: Nonexistant "Too Big to Fail"

one of the amazing deals about NYC: literally nothing's "too big to fail"

one of the most famous restaurants in the whole city, Tavern on the Green, is done

• the original Penn Station was supposed to be more magnificent than Grand Central

• the MTA is by far the biggest public transit administrator in the nation and it's always deeply in financial problems

• CBGBS was internationally famous

• the NY Giants had been at the Polo Grounds for around 75 years and several world championships. after the neighborhood started to fail, attendance was down (even right after a championship with Willie Mays), calls from the West, etc, the Giants moved and the legendary stadium destroyed. (fact: the Giants have never won it all since). the football Giants also won several championships there.

even with NYC preservation, legendary sites like CBGBS, Tavern on the Green and probably soon, St Vincent's hospital, have been destined to fail in this so capitalistic, competitive, often exclusive, diverse, changing city

the Actual American Socialists

it's interesting that there are those who are benefiting from so called 'socialist' fund collectivism, that are paid or receive benefits by taxpayer dollars and the state:

• the elderly


• the military


• police and fire departments

interestingly, these are groups that have majorities that are right wing, conservative, against big taxes, 'socialist' health care and the such.

i myself don't have a problem with them receiving for the most part. and anyone trying to take any of their benefits away causes huge uproars.

but then let's look at the 45 million uninsured Americans, the great majority of whom are employed, and give them even a moderate bill of help with insurance that doesn't even include the public option.

suddenly the government is becoming a 'marxist/fascist/nazi' etc regime! too much pork! we got our government taxpayer funded benefits but other working Americans who also pay taxes, help the economy, society etc can't have any!

also interesting that the teachers, educators are also paid by the state, but seem to have more left wing majorities than the above groups. they're also more educated than the above groups on average. how interesting

Boo Fucking Hoo

the following groups mentioned, the more i hear them complain, the more i want to KILL them. please realize, just some times: that the person you're whining to, has shit compared to you? would you complain that the steak you're eating is too tough, to a starving person?

• chicks who say too many guys hit on them
• chicks who say more guys hit on them when they were younger
• folks who are whining about suddenly being unemployed in the recession. try to bust your ass for you career but be unemployed chronically for all of your adult life
• teachers for complaining to me about EVERYTHING: money, kids, bosses, unions, schedule, conditions. wise up geniuses: all things considered, the career is rated as ONE OF THE BEST: tenure, TIME OFF, government (socialized) salary, automatic bonuses, benefits. me and others look up to you like you're the luckiest folks on earth. and if you hate it that much, fucking quit
• people having break ups.
• couples that can't have kids.

here's a thought champs: go complain to folks that have more than you. or a shrink, or the governmentt: folks that are supposed to hear your complains. to me, you're living large. and yeah im kinda playa hatin. i don't fucking care. leave me the fuck alone and have some sensitivity to those who have less than you, for once.

Picture Youself in a Bizzaro World

there are a few times that i think i am taking part in some Einstein inspired space time experiment.

one is pretty visual: there are times in the NYC subway system that trains run on tracks next to each other, around the same speed, like express and local. you can see into the other train easily.

seems different than when you pass automobiles i suppose because they are so much more a show of the personal: status symbols, income, who you're with etc.

but trains look pretty similar, so it's more mirror mirror.

and i think to part of Special relativity about 2 rocket ships travelling at the same speed near light speed. it may be part of the twin paradox, one traveling on each.

so when our trains are running, you look over there at times. and i almost expect that to be a parallel universe traveling thru time, where i see myself if i had chosen a different life. like i see some YUPpie, dark suit, slicked hair, reading the Wall Street Journal, disdainfully riding the train amongst the rabble, pissed he can't yell on his phone for once (it's underground, no reception), there because he couldn't get a cab fri nite or something, going to his uptown joint, with his yuppet, drinking wine, living like Charlie Sheen.

maybe time to get off next stop no matter what is is eh?

Adult Roommates (including the Married)~Prison

after college, as we age as adults, where is the most common place for us to have roommates that are pretty much strangers to us? answer: prison.


of course maybe i should say the lower end of socioeconomics: half way houses, hospitals, shelters, and of course the way i've done it for so many years: the cohabitation of the poor. and of course many have hit all of them in a 'grand tour'.


and it does seem like the older we (i) get, the more we become set in our ways, but i still need to cohabitate with folks that are also set in their ways. and yes, it does become like the joint--i already wrote about my roommate that didn't have a bedroom but did have an arsenal, and another who let her heroin addicted brother stay with us for weeks at a time. i could go on.


and i realize more that little shit just drives you frigging nuts when you live with someone. and that to live with someone in relative peace you have to step back from the little shit that drives you nuts and say, "it's not that big a deal, pick your battles'".

and now i realize why the married may fight so much over, say, the toilet seat being up. or why there's so much violence in the slammer (im not the first to see parallels between marriage and lock down): in incarceration, maybe it's not caused by these guys and women being stupid, uneducated, psycho, etc. maybe it's because they're locked up in there with some of the same guys for years (and remember for the most part they can't be like 50 percent of the married population and divorce). they're cooped up in the same place always, with society's worst, they don't have much to occupy themselves with besides meager belongings, they have lots of time on their hands, little contact with loved ones, little fresh air.


so just imagine: if you leave the toilet seat down, how will your cell mate react?

now can we see why so many get shived?


or why there's a 50 percent divorce rate?

More Political Hypocrisy

right wing belief in small government yet supporting American military presence everywhere, including tens of thousands of U.S troops in each nation of Germany, Japan, S Korea, Afghanistan, Iraq, and troops in over 150 nations. also the biggest nuclear and weapons of mass destruction stockpile on earth.

also a roaring protest any time that the UN even thinks about influence on "the greatest best nation that God ever gave the earth" or whatever that asshole Sean Hannity said.

also roaring protest at any other nation, besides our temporary allies like Israel, Pakistan, India, that even makes an attempt at getting nuclear weapons.

also small government belief but denial of basic personal human rights for gays.

the high percentage of right wingers that are elderly, are civil servants like police and fire, the military, and/or have kids in school, yet shout out against universal health care while they have Medicare, are paid and have benefits by a socialistic government system, and have kids in public schools.

strong war cry of Sept 11 yet showing zero remorse for killing tens of thousands of innocent foreigners.

does anyone wonder why i speak out against our elected officials?