"Rocktober"

Lenin,  Lennon (born Oct)

 when i was younger  i listened to much too much classic rock (even when rap, pop, New wave etc were cutting edge), a lot of the stations used to love to promote "Rocktober" and i've always thought of  that this month.


as i learned more it did seem like  a time for '"revolution" kind of: i think the main Communist revolution in Russia was called the "oktober revolution' even though in our western calendars i think the date of ascension of Lenin etc was in Nov. some deal with the Eastern orthodox calendar or something made it Oct maybe. and one of the great Eisenstein's films was called October, or Ten Days that  Shook the World, about the revolution. 


it also always  seemed like a dark time where a lot of wildness could come out, hence Halloween (time when the supernatural forces were active on earth). and even the ubiquitous trees changed and shed, bared their hearts. 


  getting back to Rocktober, of course the coolest rock shirts were concert shirts that were black, featuring acts that actually looked like Halloween characters: Ozzy Osborne, Alice Cooper, Kiss. 


well i can't name many  rock bands or artists that are prominent right now, and im tired of a lot of classic rock,  but still, rock on all! 

Half, Monthly Birthdays

leftovers? 

wonder if many celebrate, note  these. i know whenever the day comes on the calendar that matches my actual birthday (the day's number, so let's say you're born the 11th, then the 11th of every month), i try to  keep it in mind: am i making progress? is the year wasted? etc. don't usually think of it much, i'm usually busy doing crap, but still. 


 i used d to list  goals etc every month and check them on that day. im not sure if it worked after a while so i got rid of it;. still have monthly goals though, to do lists etc so i guess it wasn't all in vain. 


of course it's another reason that the calendar year, Jan to Dec, is bs, in that it's not really the age of anything (the Earth's year is more precisely dated from Solstices and Equinoxes of course), except those born  around jan 1. it's almost just another  reminder, like a clock,  that time is passing by. we're  getting older etc. . but you can look at it in the converse: the calendar year is gone, but you have maybe  months left til you turn another year older. 

the NFL's other Pre- season

Lombardi trophy

take a look at the NFL's history.  the first half of the season VERY  often doesn't  mean much. you can have a team literally   lose half of those   games  and go on to the Super bowl. conversely you can have a team go 7-1, then not even make the playoffs, which has happened more often than most notice. . that's why i don't even pay attention to the first half:  there's a  damn good change it won't mean much t all in the end. 


but of course most fans do, since they love football so goddamn much. i've known fans that go nuts during the official pre- season games which mean even less.   but they love the games, the season, every official game,  like they mean everything. 


these are some reasons that football is so popular. ther's a game every season's weekend. then you have a whole frigging week for hype, armchair analysis, media attention, theories, arguments,  prediction, etc. so it really is as if  every week's a mini Super bowl. the fans eat it up, the media runs with  it up since it means more ratings/money etc, of course the teams eat it up though they complain about the media etc often, but really it's all a huge part of why they're paid so much. 

How to Make Women do ANYTHING: Make it "In Style"

this'll look great when she's old

you all know it's true. women will do anything if it's fashionable 

• remember when every one of them wore bell bottoms twice within about a quarter century! 
• now it's trendy  to de- forest your  puss  so much  that they look pre pubescent, which fortunately im into just kidding
• i remember when the only time you'd see or hear the word vagina was in a high school health book, then for a while, starting with that goddamn play that every famous chick had to put herself in,, you heard the friggin word in every sentence! killed the fun out of a highfalutin   dirty talk word
• they'll spend hundreds, thousands! on hand bags, jeans, all sorts of accessories 
• they'll dump a guy they "love" if he isn't keeping up with career, money, even if he can't buy them a nearly invisible non rare rock for her hand
• "ban the fur"  was in fashion, so not as much fur (when too far with banning it down there,  as mentioned above). but who cares about killing  cows, so everyone now has to  wear at least one pair of big leather boots 
• piercing  tongues, eyes,  navels, even clits
• tattoos of who  knows what which'll last forever
• tans that make you look orange and that will age your skin more than anything, literally

but it's all "in style" so you should mindlessly do it like cows to the slaughterhouse (literally) since   some idiot celebrity does it  or because Calvin Klein said so! 

again, they'll do anything trendy. so somehow we have to all conform and make 2 girl heterosexual 3 -somes in style (wink) 

Those that are Most Drawn to Me

the edge of...

 animals, kids, married women


animals and kids (what's the difference/ say the parents haha) actually aren't difference in a lot of ways about what they like.   their judgement is  very simple, yet i think appropriate: if you treat them well, with fun, care, they're drawn to you. treat an animal well with attention, treat a kid well with the same and  fun, they're drawn to you. they're not clouded by your status, income, socio economic level, differences between one another. those criteria are reserved for single women, fair weather friends, some family, assholes. 


now married women have different reasons, which i may have written about before. you see, their main priority when they're single  is taken care of, and no it's  some one to make them laugh or any of that other bullshit. their security is taken care of. their bills are paid. money is there. why do you think that just an engagement (entrance fee) costs 2 months pay  for a small (relatively) , almost invisible, non rare rock?  kids, car house, whatever, pretty much taken care of. that's taken care of.


 so when they're in wed LOCK, TIL DEATH,  that's when those  "likes" come out   that they all throw t around when they're single: , that they like funny guys, artistic guys, smart, whatever, that's when it comes true. 


so with me, the money, security etc isn't there. hence single women won't go near me, and im alone. but  the married women literally appear out of now where to me because their  money's taken care of, and I'm the man they used to talk of: funny, smart, etc. 


that's the way it is, that's the way i've experienced it REPEATEDLY: no one knows it better than me. no one. 

U.S. Foreign Policy's Infinity Loop

mission accomplished

presidents come and go, parties go to and from power,  times change, as do enemies and allies (see Saddam Hussein). some American policy seems to be perennial: 

• peace talks in middle east, Israelis, Palestinians etc. always attempted,  never successful  long term. wish it was  
• 'we'll get off our dependence on foreign oil". i think this one has been reiterated since Nixon
• America will  hold on to the world's largest nuclear weapon supply and then lead the chant  against any of their enemies (not their allies, no matter how militant: Pakistan, India, Israel,)  that even begin to make any kind of nuclear fuel
•  in the fashion of 1984 (Orwell and Reagan's) America will have an enemy, usually created by the Republicans and/or the media: Communism, the Soviets  (Reagan: "evil empire"), Japan (economic, 80s-90s), "Axis of Evil", "war on terror",  China (economic, not human rights). at the same time America will hold on to one of the biggest military empires in all times with troops in some 150 nations
• war is peace: preaching peace, delivering war: over 369 000 troops abroad, preemptive strikes, world's  largest arms supplier? and above actions.  
• Americans love a winner, including  war: we'll almost always  win short term, often lose long term (Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan)

Will.i.am Lowman

really need a break at times

im not sure how much i can write in the near future, for  a while. i need to find employment just to survive  and it's been pretty tough

• low paying, underpaying jobs
• scams for get rich quick:  wire  money back, or pay us hundreds and you'll get a job etc. the worst sociopaths, preying on the desperate
• Bolles, author of What Color is your parachute, a job hunting book: the worst part of not finding a job isn't the money, it's the lowering of self esteem. every one's winning, you're losing. 
• your "'friends" looking down on you, talking shit about you, judging you
• your family guilt tripping  you, saying that you shouldn't have let it go
• the embarrassment  of government assistance. 
• unhelpful job centers, 
• agencies reaping 40 percent of your pay
• the stifling of the knowledgeable, talented, smart, creative, unique
• everyone thinking they know the best way for you to proceed and nothing works
• seeing assholes, idiots, bums with jobs
• such is the Lowman: he knows it all,  everyone laughs at him, but he's really  not worth shit
• at least Miller's had wife, kids, house, car, mistress. right Biff? Cantstandya? Larry? funny: my father was a Salesman too. 

When You're Right (wing), You're Right!

middle of the road!

when the left protests, they're "unamerican"," unpatriotic", "fanatics"
when the right protests, they're "Americans exercising their freedom of speech", "frugal", "disappointed"


when there was bad news  in the 2000s, it was mainly Bill Clinton's fault
when bad news happens in the 2010s, it's mainly Obama's fault. 
 the right gives something like  AMNESTY  to the Bushes.


when the left want to have universal health care, they're "socialist", "big government"
when the right wants to make  abortion illegal  even for rape victims, they have "family values", "honor the sanctity of life" 


when the left increases taxes for the rich, balances the budget, stay relatively peaceful, govern over prosperity, they're "tax and spend democrats," "weak on foreign policy".
when the right wages 2 endless and illegal wars, lessens taxes for the rich, increase the deficit by unbelievable amounts, increase the amount of poor and uninsured, they're "patriots",  "real Americans", "strong on defense", "fiscally responsible" (!!!). 


and Republicans are going  to win seats back this Nov? 

A Visit to the Lower Manhattan Muslim Center Site

tolerance and equality, please

today, out of curiosity, finally.  


it is really close to the World trade center, i thought. but then i also thought about something more important: that Muslims died in the tragedy as well. 


talked to a cool cop that was stationed there. said they have to be around 24 hours now. but not much trouble since Sept 11. 


i think the deal that i feel worst about is the fact that the building, which housed a Burlington coat factory (holy ground!), is a nice,  old fashioned, i think neo Federalist style building.  i think a military guy is trying to get it on landmark status now (which im sure he would've  done if there were no Muslims moving in, and im sure he's not doing it to keep Muslims away!) 


old fashioned bigotry also  still runs in NYC though unfortunately, lately: literal  gay bashing (even in the STONEWALL INN and Chelsea recently!), immigrant bashing, and the above.  the first area settled by European colonialists, still bigoted after all these years. 

Steve Hawking, "God," Paganism

great god

Hawking backed up  why i follow science so fervently, and why that has led me to Paganism. i think his viewpoint  is that physics, creation, the cosmos, matter, life, energy,  death, etc has occurred greatly and vastly  in the Universe, probably always has, always will, and for those events, entities, evolutions etc, "God';, the "invisible man in the sky" master, doesn't have to exist. physics, science, evolution etc can happen without his "invisible hand". 


i realized the above at least in part  in my agnosticism, then my Paganism. that the world, Universe, Earth, Sun, were miraculous enough to worship without a ghost, a supernatural figure to guide them all. we realize that more and more now as more worlds, planets, stars etc are discovered. in my Paganism, the  deities are  the scientific  bodies that as a matter of fact create life: Sun, Earth (and probably more bodies). life is our greatest gift, and again we  do not see a need to worship the supernatural, invisible, theoretical, mythical, folkloric,  faith based. 


i have never claimed that science and/or paganism can explain everything, especially phenomenon like the  big bang, "in the beginning", is there an afterlife etc. but as the Pagan deities have given us so much, they are more than qualified to earn us our utmost worship, thanks, energies. 

Black Fruits

sounds like a special in a Chelsea buck house haha


today was in a NYC public sitting area, at Worldwide plaza. top 20 tallest in NY, duly noted. this one building actually has TWO Starbucks open  for the public, on street sides. used to have this cheapo cinema there for 3 bucks in the early 2000s, flicks and crowds of such trash   that even a poverty- stricken fuck  like me didn't go after a while.


 so was saying good bye to the blue sky. sunny Autumnal  day like Sept 11.  looking at the trees for nice  sturdy  branches and all. 


last night i finished that flick the “Good’" Girl.   don’t know why  "Good'  wasn’t in quotes, since i think it was supposed to be  ironic. this bitch tried to kill her lover, ratted him out where he later killed himself,  had his kid and had it raised by her husband amongst other sins. Of course it was played by Jennifer Anison, “American's sweethaeart’ (again note the quotes),   and she was a cute young  white woman, so i guess she was good ultimately, right?  

Anyway she  tried to kill her "love” (quotes again) with these supposedly rancid black berries. of course later in the decade (film was from 2002),   blackberry abuse was when you used your ostentatious phone too fucking much. but in the flick, literal death by blackberry.  i also thought  of MASH (the flick) when Painless wanted to kill himself for, of all things 70s, believing himself to be gay,  and the good doctors ceremoniously endow upon  him a placebo “black capsule’ (song, suicide  is painless) at his Last Supper.


  not  painless today, and after the trees, looked down,  and  at my sinister foot was a big black berry. looked up in the sheltering tree above me and there were no more. a tree of knowledge?  had to look at it,   give it some thought. had to. But was off after a while, and actually, really,   accidentally stepped on the it while i was turning to leave. 

The Untouchable Whose Name We Dare Not Utter

you have to wonder how little you're worth when the latest round of snub snobbery comes when  folks that  you know won't even introduce you to others out of politeness. 

popular exhibit uptown

today  i taped some fucking cabaret show for a girl who appeared in some films for me (porn, just kidding),  since i felt i owed her. in the end, no "thank you" announcement  (even the bartender got one), and no intro to any of her family, who she told me about at length. but  a blow off "we'll catch up  later". 

last night: a friend of a "friend" talked to me for a while with her boyfriend (they met thru E harmony--yes, she would rather date strangers on- line than even try it with me). had a nice little conversation. not even an attempt at introduction.

another friend of the same "friend" i recognized, talked to him, remembered so much about him that he couldn't believe it. again, not even an attempt to introduce me to his snobby looking bitch girl friend (for the record, my gaydar always goes  off with this guy, yet my "friend" says he fucks everyone. fucked me last night a bit didn't he). 

i shouldn't even mention that my "friend' didn't even attempt to include me with her "real friends".  probably all from MTV (like my 'friend'), chuckling about how America smokes up the brain tobacco they shit out on the TV. this is the same 'friend' that used to introduce me around, then consistently  put me down me later  (the fem friend cock block bitch  black hole, when you try to get with friends of  a 'friend' that thinks shit of you: maybe the worst block). we used to be at least "friends' on Facebook. now they don't even respond. like a preemptive  Israeli  strike .

nor did she when i asked her some TV advice. yet at  my big birthday recently (a number  with a 0 at the end), she shoved her fucking  vacation pics in my face, and  said to another  "friend" of mine that she would yenta  him up with a friend of hers (this  "friend' of mine 's mother died recently, the fem friend didn't even know about  it. real close eh? ). she also  bragged to my face about herself that she is  one of the most "successful" people in her class. 

did  i mention before that of all the shit that sucks when you're "poor", your "friends" being assholes is maybe the worst of it? 


when you want to get out, circulate, socialize, and the Job's comfort that they give is but torture (i mean "enhanced socializing"). 

Loser Lamentations

darkness inevitable? 

meant to not be? 


no where (man)


no one


me? please


darker than black? 


beyond? 


you are what to everyone?


you are? 


days, nights, dark swamp march


trail of descent


long long low low


forget? 


done  with"dignity"?


"you are what you're worth"


plenty o nuttin

Breed Alone: Unemployment

bread, alone

 The good old by-products of being jobless: 

• every chick will ask you "so what do you do?" not that they're screening for "no buck no fuck" or anything like that. no bread and alone? breed alone
• prick "friends" that sit in judgement of you, asking/criticising if you're doing enough. Their opinion: it's your fault. funny, they probably see us as trash. But i think of Huck Finn, where the "nigger" Jim, low man  of society, calls the white guy  "trash" for treating his friend poorly
• sociopaths: scam artists on e.g. Craigslist, pressuring the unemployed to pay thousands to them, wire them money etc 
• sleeping in  the trash pile some more. less money, more need  for assistance, unemployment,   etc. And again suffering the guilt from your "friends" and family for milking the system, when unemployment isn't tax payer money, but insurance fees paid by businesses. 
• every one's winning, you're losing 
• right wing assholes (redundant?) like that Lieutenant  governor of S Carolina (surprise)  who says not to give anything to the poor since they will breed (again: bred alone).  and Bill  O'Reilly's hyper snobbery which  commented against folks stranded on roofs after Katrina like they were in a human zoo
• Left wing assholes like Tom Leykus:   "you're paid what you're worth"

Funeral Industrial Complex

how much? 

Now a lot of you know about my rants against the way- out -of -proportion costs of weddings. And many of you know that me and my family actually admit that funerals are often enjoyable (mini reunions, good thoughts of the deceased, get to dress up and socialize, catered meal etc). However, again, seemingly ridiculous  ritualistic costs: 

• the frigging casket: how much do these goddamn loads cost? A box of wood that you see for how long? (even shorter if you have an American flag draped, and if there's a cremation). Beautiful objects but worth that money? Not unless you're Tutankhamen maybe and the world sees it for thousands of years. 
• graveyards: like golf courses: seem like huge wastes of money for a middle/upper class taking up  lovely natural  areas. But you have to realize, not to be disrespectful,   it's really a field   of rotting corpses. And summing up ones life on  a yard by yard slab of rock? Insulting almost. 
• flowers: isn't it bad enough that  a loved one is dead, that we need  to then cut down beautiful living breathing helpful plants in the prime of their lives? 
• cremations, hearses, catered meals, funeral homes, houses of worship, ministers/priests etc, flights, yikes! 

Yes i know we want to deck the halls for our loved ones, but they're not even alert enough to enjoy it all! 

"Slurs" in the Right Context

gay ol' time

im  someone who likes to write and hates  to have any words  limited. no word should be totally  off limits since any word can be used in not a mean spirited way, in the right context. examples: 

• Niggas Wid Attitudes
• Guinea t = wife beater (2nd probably more offensive)
• "we;re here, we're queer..."
• National Association for the Advancement of Colored People,
• "Jew ' is one of those words that can really change meaning depending on context, emphasis: "he's celebrating Rosh Shoshana since he's a Jew"---o.k. but: "we had a lot of brandy left, but the  Jew drank it all up". not nice. keep in mind that even Shakespeare used that one in a very negative way, see Merchant of Venice. 
• of course in my neighborhood of Harlem guys use the word "nigger'" all the time, as slang, describe each other etc. again, not as a put down. and no i don't agree that only those in the ethnic group can use it--yes, that's discrimination. 
• of course words for females can be used as put downs or badges of honor depending on how you use them etc: "that bitch!" (the 3rd person negative). "the bitch is back!", the 1st person declarative,  a more up to date "i am woman hear me harp"